Sunday, November 11, 2012
As many of you know I recently checked out the Spark from my local library. I am obsessed with reading or at least I was at some point.
Anyhoo- I'm in the Cornerstone: Fitness section on page 35 (marked by my special "hope" bookmark).
A couple of things are striking a chord with me. "The exercise tipping point" that Mr. Downie refers to is right on point. I want things now. When I was a teenager I was on a dancing team that used flags. I would practice everyday and I was pretty good. I was a size sixteen ( 4 sizes smaller than I am now). I could run a mile in 12 minutes. I want that level of fitness now times two. Unfortunately, my body doesn't really know how to do that anymore. It's not at that point. I can hardly muster up enough willpower to walk to the library that is three blocks away and I used to love reading!! I think to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why can't I dance like that anymore? Why can't I walk one mile let alone run it in under 12 minutes?" My mom took me to a seminar about some sort of non-invasive liposuction a few days back. There were so many people there, all of them wanting immediate results. Half of me wanted to do it and the other half of me said no, that it was unhealthy. I'm still struggling with the idea.
The second thing that struck a chord with me was a story on page 32 about a fellow Sparker named Justin. He talked about not only was his waist whittling but his mind was also getting sharper. I used to have a really sharp mind when I was a teenager and even more before that. I used to get As and when I was a little girl I used to get into trouble for reading under my desk during math and not putting forth as much effort as I could. I noticed that it seems as though the more weight I gain the less brain power I seem to exert. I don't even make decisions anymore. It's like I've given up. I flunk out of classes if it requires effort. I no longer wish to see the world or learn languages. Some days I find I don't want to even leave the house. Some say it's the depression but I feel not as bright as I used to be. I used to pour over difficult books for hours on end and now I'm lucky to get past a few pages of books that are mostly pictures. My librarian doesn't know me by name. I feel so ashamed when people ask me for help or they ask me why I'm not succeeding as much as I used to. I don't have an answer for them. I wish I could be like Justin, that I could gain back what I have lost in all aspects of life plus some more. Perhaps SparkPeople is the key to becoming more than just skinny but to also become more like my true self.