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I Didn't Want To Know...

Sunday, November 11, 2012

But I screwed my courage to the sticking place, and stepped on the scale anyway.

207.5 lbs

*sighs*

That's 30 lbs higher than my lowest weight ever, back before I did the Flying Pig. And despite my vows never to see the 200s again, and the months of bouncing around in the 190s trying not to let it happen, there it is.

It could, however, have been far worse. Gods know the past 2 months I've been on a spiral of binging and comfort eating, and I haven't been to the gym at all.

Of course, there are tons of reasons I could cling to...

emoticon No time to plan meals, cook healthy or get to the gym due to attempting to go to school and work full time (except, I DID do all those things the first 2 weeks at the new job, but when the school work started piling on I just stopped...)

emoticon No money for healthy food (we've been shopping at Aldi's a lot, which is honestly crap quality...BUT we only skipped one or two GreanBEAN deliveries so we're still getting decent produce, I've just let it go to waste which is far worse for the budget).

emoticon Depression over possibly (probably) having to let my gym membership go due to finances (except, they gave me a month free to figure things out, and the mate is starting a new job tonight so I MAY be able to keep it...and it's not like I don't have access to the gym at school...) Frankly, though, I think the depression started when I had to cancel my plans on doing the Warrior Dash this summer, it killed me and I've been unable to really do anything towards fitness - specifically running - since.

emoticon Frustration seeing everybody I know suddenly making healthy choices, blogging and posting about it on facebook and getting cheers and kudos after I've been doing this for 3 fricken' years (which goes for organizing for Sparkpeople too - after crickets last year, suddenly there's interest around Sparkpeople about the Pig this year), of course NOW when I've fallen off the wagon and am running behind it trying to catch up... (Sour grapes, pure sour grapes there...I know better than this)

But then I saw this the other day, and found the old "race juices" starting to get the better of me ('cause yeah, I still SO want to do this!)
www.g4tv.com/videos/6145
9/run-for-your-lives-5k-zo
mbie-run/


And I got all choked up yesterday watching a piece on the Iron Man Triathalon as I was feeding a resident in his room last night (oh hey, yeah, I should probably eventually update on all the job stuff too, later, I promise).

And felt SO inspired when I saw a commercial promoting the Thanksgiving Day Race, and at the same time SO frustrated and embarrassed knowing I could never be ready for it right now...not this year.

And dammit, I want to get back there again.

So, I spun the wheel today. Day one of a new streak.
I'm going to make salad so I have it for work tonight.
I'm looking at healthy recipes for Thanksgiving.
And I stepped on the scale, tracked it honestly, and intend to start tracking my food and fitness again.
And I'll be at the gym bright and early Tuesday morning for Zumba.

I need to do this. I NEED this - I miss the me I'd become. And I wouldn't be pursuing ANY of the dreams or have made the changes I've made if I hadn't had success here.

So, watch out Sparkpeople.
Euphrates is back.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4-1HEALTHYCYNDI 11/30/2012 9:32AM

    Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Been busy or rather not... on vacation don't you know. Glad to see you back and at it. How's it going now?

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KITTYWULF 11/13/2012 10:46PM

    If you can do it so can I Mom! I've put a scale and some other things on my Christmas list this year! If I can get that, I can totally start tracking my weight and stuff again! Let's work hard Mommy-person!

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JONEIL513 11/12/2012 12:13PM

    glad you're back! We all know life gets off track sometimes, i'm just glad you're ready to get back to butt kicking!

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STHAX10 11/12/2012 11:04AM

    emoticon

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TLEVENTER 11/12/2012 9:36AM

    emoticon

If there's one thing I've learned about you, my friend, is that when you get determined, you can move mountains. It's one thing I love about you so I have zero doubt you can do this, especially since you did it once. Just gotta find the right balance.

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TENNISJIM 11/12/2012 6:33AM

    You can do it. You did once before. You can do it again.

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TWEETYKC00 11/12/2012 6:02AM

    Ok, time for a step back and a deep breath. Time to get things in perspective and prioritize everything. The better you can wrap your head around what is important to you, the better you may be able to handle things. I hope you can get moving again soon. Hugs.

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NORWOODGIRL 11/11/2012 9:29PM

    Yahoo! With that attitude and determination (and motivation!!!) you'll be racing in no time. emoticon Congratulations on the great start.

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CINDHOLM 11/11/2012 6:43PM

    YEAH!! Your Back!! You have been missed!! emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 11/11/2012 4:31PM

    Glad you are back!

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MONETRUBY 11/11/2012 3:55PM

    Whee! So glad you're back! Way to go with the attitude: just start from day 1 and don't get bogged down in all that has happened before. You know you can do it, we know you can do it, so it WILL happen!

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DRAGONSPITTLE 11/11/2012 2:10PM

    Do it!!!

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MISSG180 11/11/2012 1:46PM

    Welcome back, you wonderful Goddess! You are beautiful and strong, and you can be whatever you decide you want to be.

Life gets in the way at times. You are back, and that's what matters!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 11/11/2012 1:11PM

    You know I've been there. For a LONGGGGGGGGGGG time, and I did much more damage than you, so please give yourself a break. 30 is better than 60. You are working, in school, it's just different now. I am REALLY REALLY working on being kind and having different expectations because my life is just that much more busy and I don't have the luxury of allowing my life to revolve around fitness. Clearly it wasn't sustainable the first time, I'm hoping this new mind set will be sustainable this time.

Long story short, I get it and I'm here for you.

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FANGFACEKITTY 11/11/2012 1:09PM

    emoticon emoticon
Welcome back to the start of your new streak. Life happens, what's important is you know what went wrong and how to fix it and are now again taking steps to do so.

We missed having you around.

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LOVESLIFE48 11/11/2012 1:01PM

    I'm where are are at!! I vowed never to see 230's again, yesterday I was at 299.9 and now back to 230. I have been back and forth for months now. I WANT OUT OF THE 230 AND 220 FOREVER!!!

I'm here for you, cheering you on!! Together we can not fail!!
(I would love to be out the the 200's by next summer!!)

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KSCRAP363 11/11/2012 12:44PM

    emoticon I can relate to the whole "slump" thing!!! The important thing is to recognize it for what it is and turn it around!!!

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ORANGE81 11/11/2012 12:39PM

    Welcome back. I have done the same and restarted again with spark. I got to 165 so close to 140 goal. I needed back surgery and made excuses after a year I was at 180's and needed a 2nd surgery on my back and made more excuses for eating unhealthy and eating the comfort foods and just a food addict in general. I stood on scale when I heard my brother in laws woman was using weight loss pills and losing weight and the green eyed monster came out. I stood on scale and omg 203. I turned naked looked in mirror and cried and cried. I have been back since August and have lost 13 pounds and already had a gain while doing everything right ,going threw menopause and everything is off but after 3 weeks I am back down and I feel better. I make excuses and I want to be better and I am getting there I didn't fall off with unexplained weight gain 3 weeks ago. I hear you about everyone gets credit and stuff for getting healthy. I pack on so much weight no one has noticed the 13 pounds off but me. Keep up the good work we can and will do it.

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EVERLEARNING 11/11/2012 12:32PM

    Hey, SO great to see a post from you. I've been thinking about you, and gearing up to send you message via SPmail. (My road to hell is paved with unwritten notes)
So anyway, WELCOME BACK!!

So now we know you're human. Welcome to that club, too!!
You know what to do and how to do it........ I have no doubt that you'll be seeing one-derland again soon, and making brilliant progress.

Dust yourself off, and Let's DO this ~~ together!!

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ALICIAYOUNG1127 11/11/2012 12:32PM

    you and me both...we can do it! You did the flying pig??? I registered for it..but never went due to utter failure on my part...it stings..how was it? I'd like to set it as another goal..but am soo petrified of failure right now I think baby goals are in order...I miss who I was when I was running and healthy also!!! you go girl!

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RHIANNONTHEWOLF 11/11/2012 12:31PM

    If you have access to it as part of your tuition you should probably check out the school's gym. Then if it is nice you can ditch the membership and save the cash for the healthy food. It was nice of them to cut you a deal while you consider it, and if you don't like the school gym I wonder if they would give you a temporary discount.

Kind of like all the people I know who used to only be able to afford AOL dial up, every time they called to cancel they were given 3-6 months free and they kept calling back until the offers stopped because they really didn't have the money.

Comment edited on: 11/11/2012 12:32:40 PM

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