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How many things can you Excel at?

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I have a very good friend who has a very egotistical fiancee. He has this theory that every one person in life can only be truly good at two things at a time. For instance, he believes that someone can only be a good friend and a good mother. They can't be a good friend, mother, sister, cousin, etc. He believes that in any given day, we only have time enough to put energy to two things, and that the rest, is just something we can not excel at, so why put energy into it. In his thinking you can only be good at school, and dance, not be good at school, dance and friends/family.

Since he revealed to me he has this theory, I have been looking at my own life. What do I excel at? I am a good employee. I am very dependable, I catch on to things quickly, and I pride myself in the work I do. I am trying to be a good mother, I spend time with the children as I can, I am putting myself out there leading fundraisers non stop to help fund the competition fees so DQ can do what she loves, and I make sure their basic needs are met. I try to be a good daughter, calling my parents to stay in touch with what is going on in their lives, giving advice when they ask about their decisions in raising my nephew, and including them in my and my daughter's lives. I try to be a good friend, staying in contact with those I care deeply about. Although I have had to pare that list down over the last 5 years or so. Some of my friends ditched me when I became a mom, and although it hurt, I had to realize it was just how life was. These people are now just acquaintances, and I have to let go of the past we shared where they were closer to best friends.

In the mix of all of that, I try to keep my house clean, sew (although it is less frequent now that I am a booster parent), juggle finances, and learn more about the stock market/investing, read books in down time about self improvement, and exercise/eat right.

I don't know if my friend's egotistical (yes, I tell him this to his face) fiancee is right, but life is a juggle. You do have to prioritize. I don't know if you can only excel at two things in life, but I know I have many more irons in the fire than he may think one person should have. Some aspects of my life can not possibly have as much time and effort put into them as say... my children, and my employment get. I can see how someone can become so engrossed in their children they lose touch with everything else in life. One of my best friends turned acquaintances asked me yesterday what was new in my life and I thought... "Nothing is new in my life.. it is what is new in my children's lives... because that pretty much IS my life now..." I hate to be that person who does nothing but talk about my children... but there isn't much else to talk about... aside from my sewing, which people are generally astounded to see what I can make, but don't want to talk technical stuff about it with me.

So it appears I am at a crossroads. Trying to decide what is most impt. to me, and what I should throw all of my energy into. I WISH it could be fitness and my children. But getting fit doesn't put food on the table for me at this point in my life. I know that if I don't become healthier, my time with my kids may be lessened. There are many obesity related diseases that I could succumb to. I don't want that. So do I move health and fitness up on the list? What do I give up to achieve that? I can't bear the thought of giving up a clean house for fitness, when the house gets cluttered, I become manic. I can't give up work or my children - they are my highest priorities at this point. I can't give up my family or friends, I love and need them too much. I have all ready cut back on sewing (haven't touched my machine in three weeks, and have only sewn patches on my cousin's soccer uniform, buttons on his pants, and patches on the girls clothes by hand). The only other thing to sacrifice to find the time would be Sparkpeople... and sleep. Which also breaks my heart.

It's funny that Sparkpeople can be such a great fitness tool... and such a time drain as well.

So in that light, I'm not leaving. I'll still be here. I'll still be trying to participate in the challenges, and working hard to continue my weight loss/fitness. I might not be as available on the boards, or reading blogs (although I could never fully give those things up), these things will be a reward when I have everything else done.

So if you see less of me, I know you will understand why. I will still be here, though. I promise.

Fitness battleplan:

Sunday: Yoga and cardio dance emoticon
Monday: Pilates
Tuesday: Cardio Dance
Wednesday: AM Jog
Thursday: Pilates
Friday: Jog or Cardio video
Saturday: Yoga and Cardio Dance

P.S. I was able to kind of incorporate spending time with my kids AND exercise today. The 7 year old was loving it, but the 5 year old chose to lay on the couch and watch us instead of participating. Can't win them all the time right?

I hope you are having a fabulous weekend!!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your friend's The egotistical fiancee obviously never heard of
    I disagree with his opinion, sounds to me like he has a very "limited" mind set.


    Just like the oceans' tides ebb and flow, so do situations in our everyday life.

    1885 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Some people never excel at anything. Others excel at many things. Excelling at anything is not required of life. Sometimes "good enough" has to do. Priorities can change on an hourly basis - what seemed really important yesterday may not be so important today.

    Personally, I think your friend should reconsider her engagement. I fear he will not think she is good enough unless she can excel at the things HE thinks are important.

    And I think we all excel at many things - it just may not be all of those things every day.
    1889 days ago
    Understood. I disappear every once in a while too....

    Don't become a complete Spark ghost!! Check in every once in a while!
    1889 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/13/2012 2:12:26 PM
  • CYALE76
    Life is always being juggled, my kids are my top priority, I have friends who understand this and some who dont, but Im ok with that. I believe that we may not "excel" at more than 2 things at a time but I dont care if I excel at them as long as I give it my best and Im happy and the people I love are happy thats what really matters. You have to do what makes you happy and what works for you, we will be here when you get extra time to check in. emoticon
    1890 days ago
    Keep the faith, my friend. We will leave a light on in the compound for you.
    1890 days ago
  • AGK3112
    yes that's true life is juggling and we try to keep ourselves with all ups and down. emoticon emoticon
    1890 days ago
    You can do this girl! Don't give up! Even just 15 minutes, 10 minutes! You can do it! emoticon
    1890 days ago
    Life IS a juggling act while standing on a tight rope sometimes emoticon
    I don't know but I think the very idea of excelling may just get in the way of leading an excellent life- but I do know what you mean about SP and I have had to schedule it in and cut back - how many minutes do I get considering what day it is-I AM glad you are not disappearing from here!
    You might get to a certain destination with a lighter load(fewer things on your plate) but think of all the goals you are reaching even if it takes a bit more time- more stories and a richer life!
    -also I think your sewing is definitely worth putting more time in- saw your dress you were working on- WOW!
    1890 days ago
    I have faith you will find a balance that works for you. I think your friends fiancé is a nut job. If people only concentrated on two thing in life nothing would get done in this world. You just have to learn to juggle. I'll tell you it gets easier when the kids get older to fit everything in. Good Luck!! emoticon
    1891 days ago
    It sounds like your friend's fiancee is a bit more than egotistical...he sounds a bit clueless as well. I don't know of anyone who can afford to do / be only 2 things at any one point in life. Life keeps happening and there is a lot going more going on when you have younger children. You just can't spend as much time to yourself with smaller children because they simply depend on you for so much.

    So we understand, real life does have to take priority, and SP can be a time drain. I like your idea of using it as a motivator though, to get the rest of your daily to do list done in order to have the reward of SP emoticon
    1891 days ago
  • LINDA7668
    If your friend's fiance is correct, then I think the two things he excels at are being egotistical and being wrong. It sounds to me that you excel at a lot of things, as many of us do. Don't let him get to you.

    I commend you and everyone that is in that sandwich generation. It's terribly difficult to balance your children and your parent's needs while working a full time job. I found it difficult to care for my parents and work a full time job.

    Keep pushing, you can do this!
    1891 days ago
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