Saturday, November 10, 2012
I haz it.
I have had it since Wednesday.
I know exactly what has caused it:
1. Having a roommate for whom I have to get up early enough to ensure I am gone before she gets up so that she has enough hot water for a shower and so that I am not in her way when she is getting ready for her day.
2. Work that keeps piling requirements and requests on me on top of any actual teaching and planning for aforementioned teaching I have to do. I am working close to 90 hours per week as it is.
3. Parent expectations that continue to rise--if they aren't getting a play by play of their child's day, and updates every six minutes about what we're learning, it's my fault and it's my fault for requiring them to write in the planners each day because that takes time away from the family when they have to discuss the six things they learned in school that day.
4. Trying to meet the needs/requests/demands of absolutely everyone all the time.
I finally hit bottom on Thursday afternoon after feeling progressively worse for two days and called a sub for Friday. Well I TRIED to call a sub--there weren't any available, so at 2am I was writing sub plans because I knew I couldn't make it in....and I went in at 5 to find that my plans didn't save and I had to start all over...and clean up my classroom and prep sub stuff... And my district says I don't exist in their "absence" sub request system so I couldn't get a sub that way either... My director agreed to take my kids until a sub could be found and made me leave, classroom still a disaster, nasty note from the custodian about it on my computer.
I came back home, after my roommate had left for her own job, and went to bed. And I slept all day. And all night. And when I woke up at 6 this morning I felt slightly less like crap.
But only slightly. I have one more day to make myself completely well (while reading 13 novels for language arts class on Monday, responding to a ton of missed emails from friday, placating 23+ parents, and prepping notebooks and lessons for next week, as well as preparing to be gone for three days for a conference I don't want to go to but which is required for which I have to sit in seminars from 8am till 5-6 pm each night.
Edit: Now that I think about it, there are several other things that made me more susceptible. I haven't had a nap in 3 months since the roomie arrived. I thrive on naps. I haven't gotten to work at home in 3 months--I stay later at school to get stuff done and go in earlier every day. I got up at 3am on Wednesday to start working because I was coerced to go running instead of get my school related work done which hung over me the whole time we were gone....which then left me so exhausted I couldn't do any of it when I got home so I went to sleep. That overwhelming feeling that I was behind, letting others down, letting my kids down...that probably pushed me over the edge. That and the fact that my introvert has been pegged for the past three months having to be on extrovert mode 24-7...