Saturday, November 10, 2012
Neither does ruminating.
I am a fortunate unfortunate who thinks too much. Really. Sometimes I'd like an off switch to just be able to be rather than think through. This is especially true when it's those thinking through over and over with no actual purpose moments. Woke up with one of those today. It's a tough anniversary moment and I'm stuck on "what could have been/what could I have done differently." It has no meaning in actual reality. If, in reality, the moment I want to happen did come to be down the road, I'd probably freeze - just simply choke. I'm much less inclined to be outgoing and forthcoming than others, and being who I am is just who I am. For better, for worse, whatever. I am me. I need to be okay with being me AND with being misunderstood by others. That's a huge piece of life - others don't know us, but we can know ourselves.
I'm having to make changes in my life that I truly don't want to make. It's increasing the anxiety. Anything does, these days. What can I do about it? Breathe. Know I'm making healthier choices than I have at previous moments. Not hold it against myself. Acknowledge growth in self-care.
:p I am doing what I can do. It doesn't feel like enough, but it is, and it will be. There is balance. Just not now.
Thanks for reading.