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Looking back to look forward... my history

Saturday, November 10, 2012

So I have been feeling pretty proud about my achievements lately... more proud of the mental than the physical, though both are works in steady progress. Allowing myself to feel pride and satisfaction is very new in my life, and I am LOVING it.

I thought back to all the years I have struggled with my weight and with food, and remembered that I used SparkPeople before, about 3 years ago. I had a different account then, but I logged back in today... and boy I am glad I did! I found some of my weight history (Yikes, I steadily went UP over the course of 2009-2010-2011) and an old picture.

The picture was taken about 6 years ago. I have a 6 year old daughter, and when I was pregnant with her I went from an extremely athletic person weighing 145 pound to a 210 pound pregnant whale. About a month after she was born, I still weighed 210, but I had allowed myself that time to recover (childbirth and babies are SO not easy). With breastfeeding, an hour at the gym everyday, and eating right, I lost the 60 pounds in 5 or 6 months. A little intense, but I still think I was fairly healthy when I look back on it.

Then came marriage. I married her father, we moved to North Carolina where I was a military wife. Add 20 pounds.
I became very unhappy as he didn't want to be my friend, just my roommate/husband - gain 30 pounds.
I knew I needed to move away, knew I wanted more, was struggling with an eating disorder and binge eating, gain 10 pounds (that's 210 now).
I ended up moving to go to school, but I was going through a nasty divorce and dealing with being a completely single parent - no monetary support, no nothing. I lived an hour from where I grew up and had few local friends. Gain 50+ pounds over 2 years. Grand total of about 265-275.
I was SO athletic before, even at 200 pounds, that this weight was CRAZY to me. I remember crying when I stepped on the scale and was out of the 100's... but 265 felt like numb shock. I let my weight stay there awhile, thought to myself "why SHOULDN'T I eat whatever I want?! Why shouldn't I have a beer every night?!"

This paints me in a negative light, maybe. I feel like I am a good mother; my daughter is bright and emotionally well adjusted. We like doing things like hiking, playing games, talking about science, etc. I am a very hardworking student who actively participates in campus life and peer tutoring. I just wouldn't face the food issues.

I moved to a smaller (still large) university last fall ('11) to finish my Bachelor's in Biotechnology and to be closer to a support system. What a difference that made. I made friends whom I cherish deeply, and I suppose I developed emotional strength during that time period. This last spring, 2012, I decided I really wanted to start being healthier. I loved walks, I loved swimming, I loved all of that stuff, but I felt I had NO energy or stamina. So I started small, got in shape, slowly added more activities to my weeks, then a few months ago I decided to start tracking my food... and it's been fantastic. When I was on SparkPeople before, I didn't participate in Spark Teams or anything like that, but this time around I am SO glad I did.

Anyway, oh yes here's that old picture... this was taken after I lost all of that baby weight, and is a goal picture for me now.

I hope to one day help other people overcome their own mental reasons of being overweight to help them enjoy a healthy lifestyle as I have started to. Since I am going to be a physician one day, I think I'm in the right situation to do so :-)
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    Wow, you've come a long way in this journey. Keep working hard and making good choices! You've got the power to SOAR!
    1597 days ago
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    1598 days ago
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