Frozen in time...why we fall...bittersweet weeks.
Friday, November 09, 2012
I am coming in on my two months back at SP. I have stalled, I have kept moving, I had weeks eating was harder than working out and weeks that working out or getting the motivation was harder. I had a few days that I did not go to a gym because I go to stressed and angry with Youfit I had to go find another gym and cancel and go about that process.
This week though really ate at me hard. I am not losing and not gaining. I am kind of in a frozen state of mind. I found an ortho specialist to assist me with the issue I was having since my new dentist I was assigned after mine of nearly 8yrs left...he is nice but come on he is like a year older than me...he tried to send me off for a $400 CT radiation scan photo..luckily I was taught to educate myself and while enduring a migraine from hell for 3 days I found the specialist and they were able to get me in on Monday. By Tuesday the migraine was gone and on the 19th I will know if the issue will resolve itself or if I will be in metal braces on the lower teeth for another year...I know my anxiety attacks always come rom dental and I would MUCH rather have braces for a year there then lose the tooth, endure another root canal, or worse.
Still had not regained my motivation to get to the gym...when I got the call my other grandfather had passed, dad was back in town and wanted to see me before he flew back out this morning. We were able to have a few hours of relax time while I let him grieve...without knowing the story lets just say his mother is resentful of me...his life...and anything that is not what she would have done in life..but his father was a great man who treated me like gold! (Gotta wonder how people end up in relationships like that where one is as they say "ugly" minded an the other so loving)
I've agonized my birthday for weeks..stressed...so I just presumed that sometimes in life it is OK to skip the gym for a week. I already planned that Christmas week on our cruise I am taking my workout clothes and working out on the ship....one week won't hurt me. Sometimes we need to be somber....I go to the gym to get out frustration, stress, and anger...but right now it's more a sadness and frozen in time feeling that the world around you moves but you are just sitting in a daze.
So today I looked back on what I have done in the past two months. What I am capable of. I have dropped nearly 19lbs, 3.5 points on the BMI bringing me from obese to overweight now. I gained almost 2% muscle and dropped 4.3% body fat. 8.5 inches have melted off my torso area from bust, waist, and hips. I was not frozen for two months....I was aware of everything around me.
We will all fall...trip...stumble...and at times collapse under the pressures of what we expect of others, ourselves, and our bodies. We will push limits, become OCD in some areas, and make goals that drive us to a fury of passion to know what we are capable of...but no matter what..we are human. We will hurt, we will grieve, we will want to sleep in and avoid the world...I now know I cam be thankful that I can do that once in awhile because it is HEALTHY. I didn't drop my eating habits at all this week...but I realized the drive to and from the gym and being around people I don't know....was not what I wanted right now. Not what I needed this week....
Time is moving even if you are not..but sometimes we need to reflect that as we progressed life around us still happens. I see a LOT of posts about people fearing the temptations of holiday food...just like not working out for one week...eating bad here or there but knowing you won't do it often...won't make you or break you. Being human and knowing we will fall gives us the power to get right back up!