Friday, November 09, 2012
I think I've been hiding from you, from me, from the issue at hand. I am up just about 10 pounds. I don't want to deal with it. I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm lazy. I'm wiped out. My knee hurts. My shin splint hurts. I haven't exercised. I have been eating way too much. I haven't been drinking enough water. I have been ignoring the issues. I have been surfing along on this depression tidal wave and letting it win. Some days are so hard. So days aren't as hard but those days sometimes I feel like I'm riding the ignorance wave. "Let's ignore all the issues and they'll all go away." I really want everything to be ok. I really want to be happy with everything in my life. I really want to feel energized again. I really want to get my appetite under control. I really want my knee and leg to stop hurting. I really miss Zumba. I really miss working on becoming a runner. I really miss feeling pumped up and good about myself. I feel so guilty about feeling so torn up about my issues sometimes. I feel like there are SO many people out there that have so many bigger issues. I feel like I need to grow up and mature and just deal with the cards I've been dealt. I mean, maybe it is just me having my moment of sadness I go through. My family is WONDERFUL. I have a nice home and great kids and a great husband. I have issues. I have issues I can't discuss here with certain parts of this great scenario. It's not always so great but in ways that most people would probably just say, "Really?" "That's all you have to complain about?" "Just suck it up and be thankful for what you have." And this is exactly what I plan on doing for the time being. I need to find a happy place in the midst of it all though. I can't ride the Poor Me wave forever. I Need to break free and find my happy place again. I need to be ok within me, within my space, within my home, within my family, within my world. This is the world that is around me RIGHT NOW. I need to grow within that world and feel comfortable here. I need to not fear it. I may not be able to pick and choose every aspect of my world right now. I may not be able to change certain things about my world that bother me but I need to learn to be ok with them for now. To know that it is the best thing for the whole, because my world is not the only world that matters. There are other worlds that intersect with mine and they matter, they matter a great deal. For all of us to grow, and for all of us to be ok, and for all of us to be happy.. I need to be happy and to be ok. I need to learn to meld into this person I want to be without having to have the perfect world around me. I do not have to wait for the stars to align for me to be happy. I do not have to wait for every single aspect in my life to be what I want it to be for me to work on me. I have to work on me now or it will never happen. There will always be something that isn't what it should be. There will always be something that needs to be dealt with. There will always be someone who will hurt your feelings. There will always be some task that needs to be done. There will always be something standing in the way. The key is to walk around it. Work around it. Encase it in everything you are.. because you are beautiful and you are worth it. You are not meant to be left behind. You are not meant to be forgotten. You are not meant to be stuck in a corner waiting for the moment that may never come. You are meant to soar. You are meant for good. You are meant for great things. But first you must take that first necessary step. First you must have faith. First you must be strong. First you have to believe. First you must be willing. You can do this. You can be happy. You can be strong. You can make great things happen. You can make a great life for yourself and those around you. You can be filled with joy. You can help fill the world with joy. You can do so many things as long as you are willing. What can't you do? There is nothing you can't do as long as you are willing to try. Please try. Please stand up for yourself and for your happiness. Please work hard to find out who you are. Please never stop. Please keep fighting. Fight for you because you are worthy. You matter.
You were not put here to sit idly in your fears and frustrations. You were put here to live THIS life with everything that YOU are to the best of your ability. Try. Try hard. Fight. Live. Be happy. Be who you are and be who you were meant to be. Never give up. Never ever ever give up. You can do this. You will do this. Today is a new day. Today is your day. Today is your fresh start. Today everything will be ok.