I can't seem to get it together! By the way, full disclaimer, this is my official monthly PMS ranty blog, you'll notice i stay pretty consistent with them.

i was so focused for most of october and then i lost it and i just cant seem to get back there. i just dont have the ambition. I get home from work and i dont want to eat a healthy dinner. i want pasta or pizza or mexican. ive allowed more and more processed stuff to creep in. what am i doing?

WHAT AM I DOING???

And the craziest thing is that after i went off track, the scale moved! A solid month - well 3 weeks or so of serious exercise and eating right and my weight wouldnt budge and then i relaxed for a week and dropped 4lbs like over-night. So now I'm like woo-hoo, I can party and still lose weight, but really i know thats not how it works and i need to get back to good habits before i ruin my progress. but i just cant seem to make it happen. My good intentions get bodychecked by dinnertime.

ive definitely been more stressed out with work and finances these last couple weeks which is always sure to inspire an "aw screw it" attitude from me but i know i cant do that. i know it with my head you see, but my stomach just doesn't want to believe that food can't, in fact, solve problems.

Its just a little scary cuz im not really sure how to fan that flame again to get all systems go again. im just kind of putting along. Eating GREAT until dinner time. Still working out, but not every day. And im still having trouble making myself do the dreaded and loathed strength training - although i did do some yesterday. But still. I feel so meh when its healthy choice time. But then i think about how im just prolonging my half-way goal and everything after that by spinning my wheels with all this CRAP I keep putting in my body. And then i start to panic. But not enough to actually stop the cycle.

Come back motivation!!! Don't abandon me like that. It wasn't over for me. (This is the part where motivation is supposed to come running back and exclaim "it still isnt over" while sweeping me off my feet...... still waiting)