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The Final Farewell


Thursday, November 08, 2012

The last Week has been kind of surreal----as if I'm a part of a Nightmare that I'd like to desperately wake up from but somehow it is never ending and I just can't!!The day I was dreading but waiting for has finally come and gone---Sudhir has been laid to rest with all the proper Rituals and Rites of Hinduism.Yesterday--7th. November--was his first Death Anniversary according to the Hindu Lunar Calender----and it was marked by a solemn Religious Ceremony to honour it.Yesterday Sayali performed the "Varsha Shraadh Puja" for him and he now is supposedly fully released from all Earthly bonds and ties.
For us Hindus this is a very solemn occasion---a kind of a final "Goodbye" to the departed Soul.A Feast is cooked--consisting of some mandatory Pulses and Vegetables as well as those that the deceased was fond of.Since we are Gowd Saraswat Brahmins----or GSB for short----our food is cooked fully without the use of Onion and Garlic for Foods such as these are considered unfit for the Soul to eat!!Since his sisters and mine had not been a part of his final Rites in the USA I wanted them to have a sense of closure---and a chance to say their Farewells to him.The Rites and Rituals entail an elaborate variety of Stuff--and since Sayali had told me that she'd be here on the 6th. November I got busy running around and doing most of the stuff before she arrived.
As usual she flummoxed me---had Sandy not intervened she'd have been here last Friday--the 2nd.November itself--but she actually made it in on the 3rd. November because BA was busy flying people home in the week preceding those dates.For me it was a wonderful and lovely surprise as well as a great relief to have her with me as we finished making the final arrangements together.The Caterers had been fixed as had the Priest performing the "Puja" and the Lists had been systematically ticked off to ensure that everything was in order.Preparations for cooking Sudhir's favourites at home began on the 6th.---with Sayali making one his favourite Indian Desserts--"Shrikhand" at home.I cooked a savoury dish he was extremely fond of named "Panchamrut" signifying the essence of Life---tickling one's tongue with five different flavours--Sweet,Spicy,Sour,Bit
ter and Salty.This is one of those mandatory dishes--and a must for all "Pujas"---both in Happiness or in Death!!Then I cooked his favourites----Fresh raw Black eyed Peas,sprouted Field Beans,sprouted Mung Bean Curry also mandatory and "Doodh Paak" a rich Indian Dessert which is made with Ghee roasted Basmati Rice ground coarsely and cooked in Milk.Sugar and reduced,thickened Milk is added once the Rice is fully cooked----along with Saffron Strands and Cardamom-Nutmeg Powders.Besides that I also cooked the plain "Varan-Bhaat" or Dal and Rice--another mandatory dish.By 9.30 a.m. everything was ready and by 10.15 a.m. the Caterer and his men had reached.The priest arrived by 11.15 a.m. and after assembling the Components ritualistically the Ceremony began at 11.45 a.m.---continuing till 1.45 p.m. when the feeding the Crows Ceremony took place.
This Ceremony of feeding the Crows is an interesting thing to observe and has always fascinated me.A Silver/Copper/Brass/Steel plate is lined with a fresh,tender Banana Leaf,filled with Food and ceremoniously laid out in an open space for the Crows to feast on.Many times the Crows begin eating out of it immediately--signifying that departed Soul is pleased and happy to participate in the "Puja" being offered for it but sometimes they just gather around and don't touch the Food at all--circling around the Plate instead.It is then that the relatives think of different reasons as to why the Soul is reluctant to participate in the Ceremony and begin uttering various promises to appease the departed person.A particular promise may click and then the Crows may begin to eat the Food offered---but in case that does not happen a Crow made of Hay is used and the Ceremony completed---leaving a niggling sense of doubt, defeat and inadequacy in the hearts of the relatives concerned.However such cases are far less than the ones where Crows gather round immediately and within minutes the Banana Leaf is empty!!Such was the case yesterday---we were followed by Crows the moment we stepped out of our Apartment Building the Crows began flocking around us--following us to the designated spot.The moment we set down the Plate the first Crow dipped his beak in the serving of Sayali's Shrikhand---and then all of these feathered messengers of Souls began polishing off the rest of the Food in earnest!!!The Leaf was overflowing with Food--for there were 20 courses and 7 Sweets on it!!The funniest thing about the way they ate--for they followed the same pattern that Sudhir would have--with "Shrikhand-Puri "first--the "Bhajiyaas/Pakoras,Kachrees and Chutney" next next and then the "Varan-Bhaath with Papadums and Panchamrut"!!!
I have a sense of satisfaction because of the way everything functioned smoothly----the whole Ceremony unfolded sedately--moving on well oiled wheels.The other aspect of this--the one which is tearing me apart internally---is to finally accept that he will never be coming back to me ever again!!I hope all the positive Vibes both Sayali and I received mean that he is happy and contented with everything we did yesterday and that he completely approves of it.Now I face a bleak Future alone--surviving till he finally comes to fetch me when it is time for me to go.So--collecting lots of logical data to bicker on with you when we meet again--hopefully very soon!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CHERIRIDDELL 11/14/2012 6:34AM

    OH Komal I am so pleased Sayali was there with you..The ceremony sounds lovely a beautiful celebration of love.You are not really alone until your happy reunion with Sudhir you have Sayali and a group of very loyal friends who thinkl the wrld of you!love and hugs,Cheri

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PRACHI17 11/11/2012 1:27PM

    Now I know how my mom must have felt , we were so busy with all the details that we never got to have a heart to heart ... thank you for sharing this .. gonna cal my mom now!

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MIRFA71 11/11/2012 11:12AM

    That was a very beautiful ceremony filled with love for the departed. I hope the memories you made with Sudhir will fill your days with love and comfort. emoticon

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IMEMINE1 11/11/2012 8:59AM

    emoticon What a beautiful and heart felt blog. emoticon
Thank you for sharing. I learn so much from your blogs.
Donna

Comment edited on: 11/11/2012 9:00:26 AM

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OVERWORKEDJANET 11/10/2012 7:38AM

    Think of all the stories you cal tell him when you meet again!

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BOVEY63 11/8/2012 12:01PM

    A beautiful tribute to your love!
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*MADHU* 11/8/2012 10:49AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAHGRET 11/8/2012 9:59AM

    I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing so many details about your traditions, it sounds like a beautiful ceremony.

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EACHDAYAGIFT 11/8/2012 9:34AM

    What a beautiful expression of love. I'm glad Sayali was able to help, and was excited to hear that the crows ate immediately, and in Sudhir's preferred order. I know he is pleased and proud of you and, in my beliefs, no time at all will seem to have passed for him when he is reunited with you. It is you, living a mortal life still who has to feel the days and years between now and that happy reunion. I continue to hope and pray that you will find joyful ways to live out that time with gusto, Komal!
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SAASHA17 11/8/2012 7:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

Im glad the ceremony went as planned..wish I had words to comfort u Komal...I am sorry for ur loss...

take care
Manasa

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