What I really really want
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Often during the day a thought floats into my head and straight out again before I can catch it long enough to put it into a blog. It's part of the joy of being middle-aged (along with grey hair, wrinkles, and a tendency to tut at teenagers as if you were never one yourself).
Today I captured one of these fugitive thoughts, for your delectation.
Here it is: the cold I had the other week aside, I don't remember feeling this well in years.
the overwhelming feeling of malaise that used to shackle me to my bed in the morning
the headaches I used to wake up with
the nebulous sinus pain
the cramp I used to get when trying to get to sleep
the indigestion from eating cheese late at night (I haven't got the calories to spare)
the general lassitude that stopped me from walking to the station in the morning and gave me the excuse to get the bus.
What's more, my mood is much better, I think. I was feeling grumpy earlier today and it's so long since I felt grumpy that I noticed it. (I'm sure everyone else did too. The cats mentioned it.)
I've no idea whether all this well-being is the result of eating better, or of exercise, or both. Put it like this, I'm not going to give up either of them to see what the effect is.
That's an interesting point too. The binge demon still lurks, and has occasional small successes, but . . . I no longer feel that a binge is worth the candle whereas I used to enjoy a binge. The last time I was buying for a binge I looked at the contents of my basket and thought 'I don't really want to do this' and put nearly all the junk back.
Nearly all. A fruit cake made it home with me. But it wasn't a very big one.
And then, again, I shouldn't expect to rid myself of a 35-year habit in four months.
Let's see if I can do it by Christmas.
Let's make it my Christmas present to me.
I'm worth it.