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Letting Myself Down

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

So, I don't enjoy too much posting sadness blogs, but I need to share some things. First of all, I haven't felt so much disappointment in myself like this in a while. I have really tried to approach this new journey with courage, and faith in small changes over a longer period of time; big changes in small amounts of time rarely work for anyone, and I am no different, as is evidenced in my yo-yo dieting over the years.

I had it all planned out so well for this month, and so far, I have missed my workouts every day since Saturday. I don't want to husband bash either, but my sweet husband just hasn't seemed all too excited about working out. He told me on Saturday and Sunday we just couldn't afford to go to the gym because we had so much to do around the house. Which, I completely get that. We both work full time jobs and the weekends are the only times we get to catch up on things. But, then on Sunday night, we didn't get to bed until very late because we were working on the house until way past bedtime. Why? Because we overslept on Sunday morning. Why? Because we were up late on Saturday night. So, we overslept on Monday. All day on Monday, I had it in my head that we were going to get home and just go do SOMETHING active. We both had terrible headaches when we arrived home...probably due to lack of sleep. Then, I couldn't sleep on Monday night. So obviously, didn't feel too much like getting up at 4:50 for a 5:15 am class Tuesday morning, and Tuesday nights are filled to the brim. And, of course, this morning was no different. Why? Insomnia of course. emoticon

I'm so frustrated and mad at myself!!! emoticon I keep thinking about how I just need to lead by example for my husband, but how can I when I don't get the proper rest I need? On top of everything else, the beautiful menu I prepared has gone down the drain as well this week. We have still eaten healthy, meanwhile the fresh produce I purchased is sitting in there rotting away while we eat healthy convenience items due to lack of time. We even grabbed fast food on Monday night because of our bad headaches and lack of energy to cook, and lack of money to afford better.

I really just needed to vent. I feel like I have really let myself down! And that in and of itself has me all kinds of angry, frustrated, upset. I just feel like I am constantly racing against a clock, and there is never enough time. emoticon emoticon It's times like these that I wonder why I am trying so hard. And I ask myself, "why didn't I have this motivation when I was single?!" My husband is the one who got me really involved in the healthy lifestyle (eating healthy, working out, taking care of my body) when we first became friends. I told him just the other day how I remember being so elated when he would call me and invite me to go hit the gym for a yoga class. For one, I had such a big bad crush on him, I would have done ANYTHING to be in his presence. I happened to drop 32 pounds during that season, and then our jobs both became horrible around the time he and I became seriously involved. Thus, healthy went out the window. I'm trying to recapture it and I just don't get the same vibes from him that I did in those early days.

What am I supposed to do? Should I just go forward and do my own thing? And how do I do that when I have so many other responsibilities? Ugh! Sorry ya'll, I'm just confused and frustrated. Thanks for hearing me out!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _LINDA
    As everyone else has said, proper rest and sleep must be a priority. You actually get LESS acomplished when you are too tired and not at your best. Take it from the original insomniac zombie. I know I could get a lot more done if I wasn't so dead tired all the time. It may seem like you have more hours when you are awake so much, but you don't. Its unfortunate hubby has strayed from the healthy example. If you don't have a block of time for the gym, fine, start doing Spark videos, ten minutes at a time, here and there where ever there is a lull in your day. They are really quite good and work every part of your body. They are great for giving an energy boost once you get over the 'hump' of getting into it. Just moving can make you feel better (although I really prefer moving to som ground pounding music) You can always crank up the stereo and do a few dance numbers. This is why I love Zumba so much -catchy music annd you are having fun more than exercising!
    You can get your healthy lifestyle back -one step at a time, squeezed in your day!
    1629 days ago
    Hey girl...rest and recover and then do what you can do. Waiting for someone else will always make you frustrated. You can tell him what you are doing and if he wants to join he has the option. But no pressure. and if I could I'd give you a big hug and remind you that life will and does happen. It doesn't make you a failure. We at startlets say progress not perfection...You be a starlet for a day..say it..progress progress.. progress...and on days when I feel it..I turn on the music and walk in place. 10 minutes. something is better than nothing emoticon
    1629 days ago
  • DAWNESS0404
    I cant get my husband to do any type of excercise with me and this is a man who used to live at the gym! Funny how things change when you get married. lol. So I walk during my lunch or I walk or exercise when he isnt home. That way I get to do what I want and it doesnt cut into our time together. Dont be so hard on yourself though, its only Wednesday, you have plenty of time to get some workouts in! emoticon
    1630 days ago
    The other two comments I agree with. Do what you can on your own and don't wait for your husband. Also get the rest you need and once you feel more energized you can resume your workouts. Good luck.

    I feel the same way too sometimes but am working on changing that.
    1630 days ago
    Mid-June is when I started my healthy journey, and to be honest, it was difficult to do while living with my boyfriend. However, I had to think about what was a priority for me. I chose exercise and healthy eating. I usually got up before he did to get in my workouts. I did this up until a few weeks ago when he decided to join me. He saw how much hard work I put into myself, and he wanted to do the same.

    My suggestion - first, get some rest! You aren't doing your body any favors by being tired (no energy, overeating, bad choices, etc). So, make a bed time for the week days and a bedtime for the weekends; try hard to stick with them. Secondly, if exercising is important, then find a way to get it done. Turn cleaning house into an exercise! Jog from room to room; dance & fold laundry; throw in some tricep dips! There are endless possibilities! Also, try getting up early on the weekends (& weekdays, is possible). If going to the gym is not an option, go for a run or a walk even if it is just ten minutes.
    1630 days ago
    I can certainly understand your circumstances. My husband and I are trying to encourage each other too in similar ways, but it seems to come and go. Life takes over sometimes, and it's just so darn hard to get back on track! I would say the bottom line is that you can only do this for you, and your husband can only do it for himself. Yes, you can cheer each other on and push each other in positive ways, but as soon as you feel one of you is bringing the other one down, the stronger one must keep going. This is way easier said than done, but it's the only way I know of.

    You hit the nail right on the head when you said you weren't able to get the proper rest. Once you can get the sleep you need, other things may come a little easier. Hopefully with a little planning for a busy schedule, healthy ways will be able to be incorporated more naturally into your busy lifestyle.

    emoticon emoticon
    1630 days ago
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