So, I don't enjoy too much posting sadness blogs, but I need to share some things. First of all, I haven't felt so much disappointment in myself like this in a while. I have really tried to approach this new journey with courage, and faith in small changes over a longer period of time; big changes in small amounts of time rarely work for anyone, and I am no different, as is evidenced in my yo-yo dieting over the years.
I had it all planned out so well for this month, and so far, I have missed my workouts every day since Saturday. I don't want to husband bash either, but my sweet husband just hasn't seemed all too excited about working out. He told me on Saturday and Sunday we just couldn't afford to go to the gym because we had so much to do around the house. Which, I completely get that. We both work full time jobs and the weekends are the only times we get to catch up on things. But, then on Sunday night, we didn't get to bed until very late because we were working on the house until way past bedtime. Why? Because we overslept on Sunday morning. Why? Because we were up late on Saturday night. So, we overslept on Monday. All day on Monday, I had it in my head that we were going to get home and just go do SOMETHING active. We both had terrible headaches when we arrived home...probably due to lack of sleep. Then, I couldn't sleep on Monday night. So obviously, didn't feel too much like getting up at 4:50 for a 5:15 am class Tuesday morning, and Tuesday nights are filled to the brim. And, of course, this morning was no different. Why? Insomnia of course.
I'm so frustrated and mad at myself!!!
I keep thinking about how I just need to lead by example for my husband, but how can I when I don't get the proper rest I need? On top of everything else, the beautiful menu I prepared has gone down the drain as well this week. We have still eaten healthy, meanwhile the fresh produce I purchased is sitting in there rotting away while we eat healthy convenience items due to lack of time. We even grabbed fast food on Monday night because of our bad headaches and lack of energy to cook, and lack of money to afford better.
I really just needed to vent. I feel like I have really let myself down! And that in and of itself has me all kinds of angry, frustrated, upset. I just feel like I am constantly racing against a clock, and there is never enough time.
It's times like these that I wonder why I am trying so hard. And I ask myself, "why didn't I have this motivation when I was single?!" My husband is the one who got me really involved in the healthy lifestyle (eating healthy, working out, taking care of my body) when we first became friends. I told him just the other day how I remember being so elated when he would call me and invite me to go hit the gym for a yoga class. For one, I had such a big bad crush on him, I would have done ANYTHING to be in his presence. I happened to drop 32 pounds during that season, and then our jobs both became horrible around the time he and I became seriously involved. Thus, healthy went out the window. I'm trying to recapture it and I just don't get the same vibes from him that I did in those early days.
What am I supposed to do? Should I just go forward and do my own thing? And how do I do that when I have so many other responsibilities? Ugh! Sorry ya'll, I'm just confused and frustrated. Thanks for hearing me out!