Wednesday, November 07, 2012
I practiced positive and uplifting thinking for a few years until it came easily to me. It was so natural that I forgot that I need to practice. Then I faced some new, uncomfortable challenges, after being highly emotionally stressed, and I felt out of control.
Tears of self-consciousness and/or frustration springing forward at any and many moment was a signal that something wasnt right. Something was unaddressed, or I had unrecognized fears, or exceedingly high expectations. My natural state of being, where I feel most comfortable, is a calm and strady base. I am deeply emotional, but you can have a car with a lot of horsepower and plenty of gas, and still keep it from crashing.
My responses are tied to my self-talk and what I project that others see. Based on the challenges I've been having at staying confident during my workouts at work, I need to cut myself some slack- still drive as hard as I can in my efforts, but realize and respect the limitations my body might still have. And reduce how much I think or value other people's opinion about my progress or my level of abilities.
One example: There is a running group that's formed at work. Because of my size, I think that people assume that I'm not exercising or not running. In fact, I finished my first c25k program with NEWSGIRL2177 this time last year. I know something about it, and continue to pursue building my knowledge and getting back to doing it consistently. We recently began a Couch to 10k, and will be participating in (my favorite annual event) Iron Girl 5k Del Mar this Sunday. It's okay if I tracked my last run with a new phone app, that links to this work running group, and the Wellness Director comments on it. I took her vague remark as meaning that she didn't know I jog, and was acting like it was the first time ever. I felt like I wasn't "getting credit" of "being recognized" or was thought of as being less because of my size. Whether that was true or not, it didn't have to have so much power over me. And if I approach those interactions as not already expecting people to judge me harshly for my size, it'll be easier to handle whatever comes up. If anyone is surprised that I run, let it be a positive surprise. And if they don't believe it, it doesn't affect me, or have any effect on my running.
I don't need to prove to the world that I am more than their limiting assumptions might lead them to believe. They might not even have those. But all in all, I need my mental energy for other things, like finding and continually rediscovering my inner happiness.
Plus, when I start off positive, things usually continue that way.