Tuesday, November 06, 2012
I turned 37 yesterday. How did that happen?
I have a child in the elementary school I went to. I can quickly fall back into memories as soon as I step into the place. I remember pumping as hard as I could to get high on the swings. I remember chasing boys on the hardtop. I also remember scoring a goal playing hockey in gym class against a boy who actually played competitively. How long ago was that? It doesn't seem possible, but in the time passed I graduated from school, went to college, moved away, started a career, married, got a graduate degree,bought a house and had two kids.
My mom told me I look great for 37. I notice the wrinkles in my face. I also can't decide what I want to do with my hair. I have a little more grey,dull strands lately. I am again squeezing into my pants.
36 was tough for me. I lost my dad and almost my marriage. I've dealt with emotions that I didn't know I had. I lost the passion for exercise. I cared less about eating right. I didn't want to be social. I was just there, trying to get through the day without breaking down or being unfair to the kids.
In August, I had a conversation with a senior in high school. A bunch of women in different stages of our lives were sitting in a circle. This girl couldn't wait for her twenties. I told her I liked my twenties, but I found myself in my thirties. You find your security. You are able to block out what others think of you.
Except for last year. My life changed dramatically. I built up walls and hid. I am slowly recovering. I look to regaining the good feeling I had about myself. I mean, I know I am a good person but I just haven't been me.
I loved how I felt when I know I "ROCKED" a day. Get that workout in, stay on track eating and still balance work and family. Oh yeah. I really miss that. To feel whole, I know I know I need to give to myself. Giving to myself is taking care of my body and finding time to slip in me-time.
37 is about finding that balance again.