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    MAMADELIGHT   37,929
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37

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

I turned 37 yesterday. How did that happen?

I have a child in the elementary school I went to. I can quickly fall back into memories as soon as I step into the place. I remember pumping as hard as I could to get high on the swings. I remember chasing boys on the hardtop. I also remember scoring a goal playing hockey in gym class against a boy who actually played competitively. How long ago was that? It doesn't seem possible, but in the time passed I graduated from school, went to college, moved away, started a career, married, got a graduate degree,bought a house and had two kids.

My mom told me I look great for 37. I notice the wrinkles in my face. I also can't decide what I want to do with my hair. I have a little more grey,dull strands lately. I am again squeezing into my pants.

36 was tough for me. I lost my dad and almost my marriage. I've dealt with emotions that I didn't know I had. I lost the passion for exercise. I cared less about eating right. I didn't want to be social. I was just there, trying to get through the day without breaking down or being unfair to the kids.

In August, I had a conversation with a senior in high school. A bunch of women in different stages of our lives were sitting in a circle. This girl couldn't wait for her twenties. I told her I liked my twenties, but I found myself in my thirties. You find your security. You are able to block out what others think of you.

Except for last year. My life changed dramatically. I built up walls and hid. I am slowly recovering. I look to regaining the good feeling I had about myself. I mean, I know I am a good person but I just haven't been me.

I loved how I felt when I know I "ROCKED" a day. Get that workout in, stay on track eating and still balance work and family. Oh yeah. I really miss that. To feel whole, I know I know I need to give to myself. Giving to myself is taking care of my body and finding time to slip in me-time.

37 is about finding that balance again.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_DASH_ 11/7/2012 9:26PM

    tears in my eyes, too. i know you will get y-o-u back. these words are very profound.

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PAMAZON 11/7/2012 2:02PM

    I feel the same way! 41? Wha?

I love raising my kids about 10 miles from where I grew up. It makes my heart happy. I'm also happy for you, that you came through such trying times, and that you're still here sharing with us. We may have some wrinkles and gray hairs, but we are smarter and we have huge capacities to love those in our life. Including ourselves!

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HEATHER_TEACHAH 11/6/2012 10:46PM

    Aw, little Mama. You need to give yourself more credit for last year, it was a big year and you handled it with more grace than i could have. You say that you're squeezing into your jeans, but at least you didn't have to go buy new bigger ones. You recognized that you've been hiding and building walls, and that is a huge step. You have two gorgeous kids and you're raising them to be healthy and happy. I'm sending hugs your way and a little kick in the butt (but only because I wanna see you with that spark and competitiveness again!)

Happy birthday! Here's to making 37 the best 30-something yet.. xxxxxxx

Ps- if Soph ever needs someone to play princess with her... You still know who to call :)

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_TRIXIE_ 11/6/2012 10:18PM

    Man, I'm with Apes. This made my eyes leak!

Mama, you handled 36 with such grace and elegance. I know you may not ever believe me, but really-- you handled the obstacles of last year admirably. I can't imagine it was easy. It was likely harder than you'll ever let on. But you did it, you and your family all made it. If I lived any closer, I'd hug all of you. I even give an awkward hug to Pat, just cuz I'm good at the awkward hugs. :)

Love you, Mama! Here's to a BEAUTIFUL 37 for a BEAUTIFUL friend.

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4EVERADONEGIRL 11/6/2012 7:48PM

    Sounds like you are already taking the first steps of finding who you are today! You can do it!!

I think 2012 was difficult for a lot of people...let's hope that 38 and 2013 brings you so much happiness, joy and peace that you don't know what to do with yourself! :-)

Big hugs and love to you, beautiful Mama!

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_LIRPA17_ 11/6/2012 4:22PM

    This brought tears to my eyes. It sounds like you're on your way to getting back to YOU.

Big hugs and happy 37!!
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LEAN-N-LEXY 11/6/2012 4:13PM

    Happy Birthday. You'll get back to remembering you who you are.

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