Tuesday, November 06, 2012
I have been eating the wrong things at every opportunity and then some more these past couple of weeks. However, last night, in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn't sleep I figured out why. A couple of weeks ago, I got into a political "discussion" with my mother.
I won't go into details, but I thought my mother was smarter than that. There was no logic or reason to the things she was saying. The things she said about my husband and daughter were uncalled for and I am still holding ill feeling towards her.
This election has been one of the worse in the mudslinging that I recall and it is not just the campaign ads. I think it is worse this election because of the social media that we have now. My mother has always said that she does not discuss politics or religion. Yet, she had been posting political shares daily on facebook. It got so I would not even read what she was posting and would manually hide the post so I would not see it my wall. I admit it was irritating me.
What started the argument, I think (funny how as time goes by we never really know what started the whole thing), was I made a comment about something to which she said, "I think you go overboard on some things." I replied, "Well, that is your opinion and you are entitled to it and I am not going to vote for "__________".
So, I am most likely guilty of starting the argument by saying who I was not going to vote for, but her daily posting the shares was irritating me because she "does not discuss politics"; even though by posting the political shares she was discussing politics. I can now see why some kids cyber-bully when they would not do so otherwise. Because, as with my mother, there is a sort of empowerment to posting online rather than face to face.
I totally understand why she will not (or I should say cannot) 'discuss' politics to your face because she cannot tolerate an opinion other than hers. It was the things she said and the way she said them that upset me the most because it appeared she was blaming my husband and I for something the "other party" was doing. Seriously, like we are making them do the things they are doing? Huh?
She has strong feelings against our political views in which she knows nothing. According to that conversation, she does not even know where we stand, but she does not agree with our political views, never has. That is actually funny because one year we actually voted for the candidates in the party she aligns herself with but she would not believe that we would do that because she is one party and one party only. For years, I have tried to tell her I do not vote by party but by who I think will do the least amount of damage to the country.
I am still upset over the things she said even though she tried to make up by calling my husband (she talks to him rather than me when she calls [he is more of a phone talker than I) and invited us over for dinner and said that we can call and talk to her anytime. We did go and had a pleasant evening. But she has been continuing with the posting the shares on facebook. I have not been seeing most of them since I set up a filter to hide certain things on my wall, but occasionally one will slip through. And every time I see one of "those posts" I get angry all over.
But, back to my eating...
Ever since that argument, I found myself eating things I have not eaten for quite some time and not just a little bit. Last night, as I lay awake during the insomnia hours, I had an "aha moment" and came to the realization I was eating those things because of the argument, in other words, emotional eating. I was letting my frustration with my mother and her illogical argument upset me to the point where I reverted back to the same behavior I had during my high school years when I hated being at home.
I came to realize that it was the same eating pattern and the same frustration. I cannot count the times whenever I would go into a binge that I would evaluate my thoughts and feelings but could never pinpoint exactly what I was thinking or feeling. It seemed like there was a vacuum with this huge hole and no bottom that I was being sucked into.
I am not saying my mother is my problem. But how I am reacting is the problem because I have the same reaction with conflicts with other people. I am so glad for Spark People because had I not been blogging on this site, I most likely would have never given any attempt to actually figure out why I keep eating certain “food” items the way I do. At least now, I feel like I can get get over the bump and move forward.
Thanks for reading my vent.