Monday, November 05, 2012
****As a side note, I did finally talk to my OBGYN's nurse today. The test showed mild abnormalities and this happens often. He may or may not do a biopsy based on what he sees. 8 out of 10 cases show few abnormal cells and he just plans a recheck in 6 months. For the other cases they will refer me to a specialist.****
So another odd thing happened to me last week. I ended up getting a friend request on Facebook from my 1st ex-husband, C.
C was the first boyfriend I had in college, and we were together a total of 6 years, but only married for about 2 of those. I switched schools to move in with him after he graduated, which is ironically how I wound up meeting B (though we were just friends then).
C and I lived together, got engaged, did the husband and wife thing even before we actually got married. A year and a half after we got married, we moved to Tennessee to be closer to my family. A few months later, I made the decision that we should get divorced.
Now, I won't lie. I did a lot of things wrong there. I basically stranded him in Tennessee with a mortgage and no close family or friends. It was a decision that came as a shock to everyone because there were no signs there was a problem, at least to the rest of the world and C. I also gave up my half of the house and started from scratch because more than anything, I just wanted out. I did break his heart and I have always felt terrible about that.
But the thing was, I should've never married him in the first place. I did the whole long relationship, engagement, marriage thing because I was young and naive and I just thought that was how things were done. That's what you did. You grew up, went to school, got married, had 2.5 kids with the white picket fence. Which is exactly what he wanted. So I assumed that's what I wanted too.
It wasn't until we tried to have kids (small blessing we didn't, really, thanks to the PCOS) that I really registered that whoa, this is not what I want right now. I was only 24 at the time, fresh out of college and taking on the "stay at home" wife role. Which he loved having me wait on him hand and foot. I was depressed, bored out of my mind, and he and I didn't have anything in common. I didn't love him. I liked him a lot, he was a great guy, but I just saw us more like roommates. How scary is it that I thought that was NORMAL for a marriage?
Regardless, I finally wised up, broke away and we got divorced. Lots of angry family, lots of tears, lots of stupidity on both our parts, but I have to say that honestly to this day it was still the best decision I could've made.
Now, yes, he was angry. I have had no contact with him since 2006. The only thing I knew was that he got married, is still living in Tennessee, and now has the 2 kids and the home he wanted. And I am truly thrilled that he was able to find what he was looking for.
So what is this about? Why send me a friend request after all these years?
My gut says to ignore it. I don't want to get involved in any drama of having an ex on my friends list and who knows what his wife thinks. I know this sounds really selfish too, but the idea of seeing him with his 20,000 photos of kids/wife/happy family is not going to help make me feel any better about my own life. I am very happy he is doing well, and I really didn't want that life, but I also don't need a harsh reminder of my bad choices since that time and the shambles that currently make up my life.
Now, to clear up a few things:
1) B has no problem with me adding him as a friend. He actually thinks I should.
2) We do have 1 mutual friend whom I rarely speak to. She's more friends with him than I am. Other than that, we have no other connection.
Can anyone argue a reason as to why I should friend him?