When I look back to when I first became a sparks member way back in January 2007, I realize that I have been here for 5 years. Much as I was over the moon about finding this program and so motivated, I look back and see how I have failed myself.
The worst part is, when I first googled diets etc I found a comment by someone on sparks at that time who referred to himself as CHOCOHOLIC (and happy to be). He maintained that he ate a slab of chocolate every day for lunch and drank a soda. He admitted that it wasn't the best place to get his nutrition from, but also refused to give it up. It still took him only 1 yr to lose ALL his weight, by tracking the chocolate and soda in before working out the rest of his eating plan for the day.
I was SO IMPRESSED and joined immediately.......lost 20kgs and then regained every last one. Each year I lose it, and gain it all before the end of the same year. A sad, hollow pattern.
If I'd just stuck with the program, I should be dead from anorexia after 5 yrs right?
Well, people keep saying "don't beat yourself up" ..... maybe its time to beat myself up!
But of course, that can't be done either.
Moving on.....I have restarted and been doing pretty well lately - AGAIN.
In time (after 10kgs loss) I will re-institute some exercise. For the moment, my knee is just too painful for anything serious. I am using a ball to work out on, and I'm walking short distances, such a far cry from my mini extreme challenges I was doing. Sigh.
So....once more....I try again. You never never know which restart will be "the one" that makes it all come together.
Time to drop some unnecessary emotional baggage so that I can do what I need to get done.
Thing is, I so love chatting to the friends I have made here, but this program isn't all about that. It's about finding like minded people and sharing our progress, difficulties etc and LOSING weight. On top of that, ITS FREE. What a waste if I don't make it work. Anywhere else, you'd pay a small fortune for all the information, videos, nutritionists, dietitians etc. We are privileged to get it for nothing.
One fresh start for this old girl.