The Hardest Part
Sunday, November 04, 2012
The hardest part of my goal weight being in sight is that it's so close, yet so far. One of my biggest motivators for losing weight is the pain of overweight. It's those days where I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I feel old and tired. Now, I'm in much better shape, have more energy and like my appearance. Throw in the fast-approaching holiday season and I'm ready to just focus on maintaining my weight.
This weekend, I saw the problem with this way of thinking. In my mind, when I say "maintaining my weight" there's still a part of me that wants to eat without thinking about calories, fat or fiber. Where I just eat with no restraint. Intellectually, I understand that I can't return to that lifestyle, but emotionally, I'm still tempted to do so. Make sense?
Friday and Saturday were two days where I was just eating with nary a thought and no plans to record a thing. Plus, I didn't even get my exercise in. Yes, I was a total slacker and at the time, I was cool with it, but I realized something. Maybe I didn't hurt myself having an "off" day or two, but an "off weekend" can eventually morph into an "off month" that translates to significant weight gain. How do I reconcile the philosophy of a "healthy lifestyle" with "staying on program?" By now, this "healthy lifestyle" should be ingrained into every fiber of my being, because I've been doing this 10 months, right?
But the reality is that I'm still a fat person inside a thinner person's body and no matter how disciplined and focused my eating and exercise can be, I'm still going to have days where I just wanna sit around and eat and not think about anything. The only answer I have is to do what I've been doing this whole journey. Get back on track and spend some time blogging, keeping my food diary and exercising for 10 minutes, just to regain a sense of control.
So here I am, after a weekend of candy, pizza, fried junk and barbecue. Doing some menu planning so I'm not so tempted to just grab stuff and eat it. Stocking my kitchen with the staples that helped me shed 50 pounds and trying to figure out how to freshen up my workout.
One other factor that's helping me regain focus was volunteering this morning to hand out water during a local 5K and 8K race. While at the water station, I got to see the runners in their element and speak with other volunteers who enjoy running. I spoke with one woman about my age who shed 30 pounds and completed a half-marathon earlier this year. I also got to people watch. I estimate that about half of the runners were over age 40. One woman who ran the 8K looked to be well into her 70s. One 10 or 11 year old girl ran the 8K. I also realized something else. I didn't judge the people by how fast or slow they were running, or their time. I admired the spirit of each and every participant for showing up and finishing the race. It was this morning where I set a goal to run at least 3 non-competitive 5K races in 2013.
I don't want to return to the couch. I need to have something compelling on the horizon. I think that continuing to work on getting in shape physically sounds more interesting than losing 17 pounds to reach my weight goal.
So today, I will plan my menus for the week, do my grocery shopping, fit in 10 minutes of exercise and keep pushing.
Onward and downward.