Sunday, November 04, 2012
over a year ago i had a rny gastric bypass. and i loss so many friends over it. i had tried everything else. i was at deaths door. the thought of even walking to the bathroom with out my fiance 2 steps behind me scared me. i was a walking death trap. i had so little blood flow through my heart but no plaque or blockages. i did not look as heavy as i was. i have always stored my weight around my organs and i was killing myself one pound at a time. my organs were being suffocated. strangled, heck even smooched. when i woke up i had a new life. but a very difficult one. many set backs. to this day i still have set backs at time. but the biggest obstacle i face is people that still do not understand that just because i am not standing in a gym 24/7 it does not mean that i took the easy weigh out. bariatric surgery is one of the hardest things in life to do and succeed at. and its no joke. i fear failing everyday. i have no friends. no one comes to visit. no invites anywhere. and i am alone. its just me, my fiance, my son and my mom. all in all..each day of my life. i live and breath a surgery that was suppose to ave my life but instead it sheltered me more. but you know what i would not change having it for anything in this world. cause i make my son smile when i can put him on the bus. i make him smile when i surprise him at school. its worth it. but i can not say that fighting to lose this weight is not hard. and having no support anywhere. no one to call and take my mind off things for a moment. or drive to me or anything. it breaks my heart. so i have returned to sparks...along with my other sites. and hopefully i will maybe at least find someone to tell me good job from time to time. cause at this point. a world of silence is all i know. and if this was the easy way out. i don't wish this silence on anyone.