Face the truth: you're depressed
Friday, November 02, 2012
I sure am. Well, since my weigh in. How can a stupid number change my mood so much?
The last exercising I did was my zumba Monday evening. I didn't go to the gym, walk, swim or jog since then. Wednesday night I went out with my boyfriend, sister and her boyfriend because we had costume concept (pics coming), and I went to bed really late (1 AM). It's been harder and harder waking up every morning, and I got up at 7:10 today. I usually get up at 5:30 or 6:30 if it's not a gym morning. Ugh.
It's like I became blind all of a sudden. All the progress I made is gone in my mind. I feel back to 205 pounds. I avoid mirrors. When I put my Halloween costume on - I bought it at the beginning of September - it was way better-fitting than when I bought it. And yet this only pleased me for a few seconds. Then I told myself "you're probably imagining it."
I know my blogs are depressing these days, but I can't help it. I feel stuck and ashamed. I don't even wanna see my coach next week. What is he gonna say? I feel like giving up entirely. These efforts are bringing me nowhere. I ate junk this week without even caring. I'm pretty sure that if I weigh in next Monday, I'm still going to be at 160 or 161 pounds. Because no matter what I do - exercise or not, eat well or not - nothing changes.
Ugh, just kill me now. It feels like even the spark cannot do anything for me anymore.