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Jealous Much?

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Friday, November 02, 2012

Have you ever found yourself jealous... of your future self?

I used to always dream about someday being able to do so many things. When I was 455 lbs it was certainly the only hope I had of having any real life. "Someday the Mrs. and I are going to lose this weight and we'll do all kinds of amazing things together". After kind of plugging away at the weight loss for several years now, I guess it occurred to me that I'm now that "future self" I was jealous of.

When I was 455 I dreamed that someday I would be able to cross country ski, stand up paddle board, ride a roller coaster, fit comfortably into a seat at a restaurant/theater and run a 5K. I can now say that I've done all of those things except ride a roller coaster. I know that I will do that soon enough but I am amazed at how far we have both come. Just the other night we both went to a dance show at a local theater that we've never been to before. In the past we would have talked ourselves out of buying tickets because we'd be concerned about fitting in the seats. This time we not only went but sat quite comfortably. Neither one of us had a problem with personal space and I kind of marveled to myself about the fact that I didn't even need to hog up the arm rest or contort my arms into a T-Rex position in order to keep from lopping into the person next to me.

Another thing we've done several times without even really thinking about it is go on several trips where we log many miles of walking every day. While we may feel tired by the time we make it back to the hotel room, we don't seem to notice just how much walking we're capable of until we check the FitBit and see that we sometimes average 5 or 6 miles per day.

Then on Halloween morning I accomplished something that I've basically been kind of putting off for the better part of 2 years. I have been running on the treadmill off and on for awhile now. I was never a runner before (obviously) so this is definitely new territory for me. Before we went to Traverse City for my birthday, I signed up for the SparkPeople virtual 5k Walk/Run and decided it was time that I commit to something finally. My intent was to run it but have the option to walk if absolutely necessary. Then when I hurt myself on the Dune at Sleeping Bear Dunes, about the only workout I could do was walk on the treadmill. It hurt to take deep breaths so I was sure that I was going to have to pretty much walk it but I was determined either way. Luckily the pain is almost completely gone. I still have some very deep rooted pain that seems to be most aggravated by sit-ups but it definitely hasn't hindered my running or movements now for a good week. So the 5K was on! I surprised myself actually. I did walk the first .15 just to warm up but I did not stop at all after that. I ran the whole freakin' time after that and it was tough at times but I found little ways to motivate myself and managed to finish in 45:17. Not sure how good or bad that is but I don't care because I did it!

So here I am. The future is now and nothing can stop me. And the best part is that it only gets better from here on out. I still have a lot yet to lose but there is always an increasing number of things I can accomplish and I know that it is all within reach now and not something that I have to be jealous of my future self for anymore. I just wish my past self could have realized just how great life could be so he would have gotten off his butt sooner!
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