Thursday, November 01, 2012
So October resulted in no loss and no gain just bouncing around 250!
I'm really depressed. I go and go all day and I'm tired. I'm exhausted by my child's constant fussiness and crying. All I hear is "He's a baby!" Are there any other mothers out there who's child cries all day. In car, while I'm on the phone, while I'm cooking, while I'm cleaning.
I know I know....divide and conquer. Yes, he's teething. I give him teething rings but he prefers the dvd shelves and wires and my computer and chewing on the ottoman.
Yes I love him and don't make me feel guilty!!! He was sick last week and was up every single hour and a half for five days in a row. He takes over an hour to get to sleep even when he is tired. He won't do it. He' rather cry and sit up and rub his face.
He was sick because it was the first week I joined a gym. I wanted to finally do something for myself and he became sick because the moms in child watch let the other toddlers touch him. One even tried to side slap him but luckily I was there and told him no. (Its the local Y by the way that has had good reviews.) After one week he became sick with high fever and puss in his tonsils. He cried from pain, would not eat or sleep. I spoon fed him milk. I used a dropper and forced fed ibuprofen and tylenol because he won't willingly take it. My mom made me take him to the ER on Sunday which took my whole day and it was no help. My ped's nurse practitioner found out more than the ER doc. What a waste of money!!
Plus, finances suck!! Our fridge broke, our car is a ticking time bomb, I saw the stove spark tonight so I don't know what that is about. We owe $8000 in medical bills from Joey's birth and time in the hospital at birth, my student loans are demanding payments. I have no time to clean because I can't stand to hear Joey crying when I leave the room and we have roaches too. So now I watch him all day and I'm in four hour job training at night and my husband is supposed to be watching him but I end up having to handle Joey while trying to pay attention in class. I actually decided to take two jobs and will be in job training from home through December and I don't know how I will watch Joey and work and train and cook and clean and shop.
No time for me. At this point, I'm trying not to gain more than the 250 I weigh. It only took about six months to gain 50 pounds so its pretty scary to think how quickly I could see 300 on the scale if I'm not careful. I intended to get a second opinion about my Vitamin D levels but I have not made an appt yet. I also have four cavities that need filling too. At this point, some days I forget to brush my teeth. Luckily I do remember to shower.
So that's how I'm doing right now....not that great. Overwhelmed. I kind of want to go to my parents and let them help me more. They offer better help than my husband. Mostly its my mom. Home is a two hour drive. I don't have to cook for my mom. lol Not saying I want to leave my husband or anything but he's just not offering alot of help in the evenings and I feel like if I left him for a week, then he could clean the house and I can take a little break.
I'm going to try and go back to the gym next week. Daycare is going to be a must for me soon. But my preference has a 6-9 month waiting list. I have one other place to check out that I've heard good things about. I don't want to take him just anywhere.
I'm so tired! Probably the reason for the vent. I expect this month to be stressful but if I can get some exercise in the morning or some time alone, that would help.