Thursday, November 01, 2012
Well it's right around the corner....My Dad's wedding. I can't believe that he is really getting married. For some reason I thought he would still be upset about my mom's death. They had been married for 36 years and at the funeral I almost had to peel him off the side of the wall. I thought for a week or two that he himself wasn't going to make it or possibly start drinking very heavily. I never in my wildest dreams would think a month afterwards he would start looking for my mothers replacement.
That's how I feel about this right now. I don't think he gave himself time to deal with losing my mom. I know everyone grieves in their own way. I know I'm not supposed to choose how he does it. But I know in my heart he didn't give himself enough time. He has bounced around the last year from one relationship to another. Going from having one gf move in with him then straight into him getting married to a different one. Now he has been with this one since May. It's his ex-wife who he was married to 40 years ago. They were married for a little over two years in most of that time he was in Korea. He came home to a 6 month old kid that wasn't his. I know all this is in the past but come on that has to say something about the type of person she is. Plus my dad has never talked well about her on the few occasions he said anything at all. Now he says that in his heart he has always loved her they were just too young. Mind you right before he said this (three days before) he was going to move in with the girlfriend before her and that "he loved her like he loved my mother." WTH!! How do you begin to process all this information. I know I can't and I have been living with it for the last year. I will say one thing at least he made it a whole year before he got married. I'm really shocked now it wasn't a week later!
Can you tell how much I don't want to go this wedding. I would rather have all of my teeth pulled out with pliers before I did this. But if I don't go I will hurt my dad's feelings. God I wish that I could do it. But I know I don't want to go because my feelings are hurt not because it's something that's going to hurt him in the long run. I'm so mad at him and yet I still don't want to disappoint him. I wish that I could just yell and scream and act like a baby but I know that wont help. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through this wedding. No idea at all.
I know my mom didn't want him to be alone the rest of his life and neither do I. I just hoped that it would have been different than it has been this past year.