I hope you sit a spell and read this as well.
As I was driving home –like I said it all hit me.
So much is going on around us everyday of our very lives. More than we can handle at times, but we push through it and we handle it the best we can. You know –I can honestly say this. An educated man isn’t always a good man. They are full of themselves just like any other man who means you no good.
I let this man carry me down in the dumps. When he wasn’t with me I let this man carry me down every year after that. I let this man run me in so many ways. My weight would have never been an issue, but my weight has been an issue ever since I met this man. I knew what negative feelings were as a kid; as a kid coming up with a grandmother who didn’t think I was pretty enough to show off, but she did love me in her own special way. I’ve gotten past that.
Now, I’m getting past the damage my ex-husband has placed on me as well. I mean. I am growing because I choose to grow now. People have said to me. Why at 35? Why change your life and your way of thinking now? Why not I ask them? Why must I stay tied to these lies and tales?
Why must I allow his view on me be the setting for the entire stage of my life. Why must I allow depression and anxiety and all these other things consume me? Why must I live in fear? Why should I; when I know I have the tools to live. Why must I stop living? Why does he have the right to move on and have freedom? I’m stuck with the children, the “baggage” is what he calls them, but they aren’t bags. They are life, they are my children, and they are my babies. They are the reason why I choose to do this. Why at 35 they ask! Because! I need to give them the best of me at 75 that’s why. That’s why I do this now. That’s why I’m taking full power, and that’s why I’m in front of the gain.
Wednesday weight -177.2 & Thursday 177.8!
That 177 repeated again, and I know I’m on top of this right here. I’m on the right path. You don’t have to line my path up for me; because my path been lined up a long time ago. We go through what God allow us to go through, and we learn from it.
Do you think I’ll repeat being a fat girl with this glory beaming inside of me? NO! I want repeat this again, because now I see what’s been going on. 13 years of mental abused by the words of a man who is no longer!
That power and taking it back was amazing and I’m blessed! And I understand the meaning behind the; past flash back of my life –17 years ago.
God is on time and good all the time!