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Thursday, November 01, 2012

I hope you sit a spell and read this as well.

As I was driving home –like I said it all hit me.
So much is going on around us everyday of our very lives. More than we can handle at times, but we push through it and we handle it the best we can. You know –I can honestly say this. An educated man isn’t always a good man. They are full of themselves just like any other man who means you no good.

I let this man carry me down in the dumps. When he wasn’t with me I let this man carry me down every year after that. I let this man run me in so many ways. My weight would have never been an issue, but my weight has been an issue ever since I met this man. I knew what negative feelings were as a kid; as a kid coming up with a grandmother who didn’t think I was pretty enough to show off, but she did love me in her own special way. I’ve gotten past that.

Now, I’m getting past the damage my ex-husband has placed on me as well. I mean. I am growing because I choose to grow now. People have said to me. Why at 35? Why change your life and your way of thinking now? Why not I ask them? Why must I stay tied to these lies and tales?
Why must I allow his view on me be the setting for the entire stage of my life. Why must I allow depression and anxiety and all these other things consume me? Why must I live in fear? Why should I; when I know I have the tools to live. Why must I stop living? Why does he have the right to move on and have freedom? I’m stuck with the children, the “baggage” is what he calls them, but they aren’t bags. They are life, they are my children, and they are my babies. They are the reason why I choose to do this. Why at 35 they ask! Because! I need to give them the best of me at 75 that’s why. That’s why I do this now. That’s why I’m taking full power, and that’s why I’m in front of the gain.

Wednesday weight -177.2 & Thursday 177.8!
That 177 repeated again, and I know I’m on top of this right here. I’m on the right path. You don’t have to line my path up for me; because my path been lined up a long time ago. We go through what God allow us to go through, and we learn from it.

Do you think I’ll repeat being a fat girl with this glory beaming inside of me? NO! I want repeat this again, because now I see what’s been going on. 13 years of mental abused by the words of a man who is no longer!

That power and taking it back was amazing and I’m blessed! And I understand the meaning behind the; past flash back of my life –17 years ago.

God is on time and good all the time!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1961 days ago
    emoticon Great declaration! Release, release, release... emoticon There is a winner in you!

    1961 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1961 days ago
    MORE POWER TO YOU, LYNN! That was a wonderful thing you did, disconnecting him from having power over you. You have become strong. You had that song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor going through my head when you were saying what you said in your vblog.

    And you needed this catharsis. I know, I've known abuse in my life as well, especially from a control freak brother of mine. I had to do a radical disconnect to sever any power he had over me, and it felt good.
    1961 days ago
    What ever you do don't turn back now! Keep going strong!
    1961 days ago
    I am glad you refuse to give this man power over you anymore! I agree with you about the need to look at these emotions and their cause. Every pound is like a little emotional memory bomb to deal with. I will do this though!
    1962 days ago
    That's a hard and courageous thing to do, to acknowledge what that person did to you and to say they have no more power over you. I have yet to reach that point. It's going on 9 years for me. I'm so proud of you though! You are growing! emoticon emoticon
    1962 days ago
    Great blog! I am so glad that you decided not to let him abuse you anymore. God gives power to overcome the hurtful things that have been done to you in the past. God has given you a NEW future! I am so glad that you are letting go of the past! I posted a blog called "Break The Silence" that is about abuse. You go girl!

    God bless you!

    1962 days ago
    Knowing that you can move on is a powerful thing and I think you got the right message. And who thinks 35 is too old to change your mind? I am 37 and change my mind every day or every week. I look though others' eyes sometimes to see what I am missing, and then I am changed regardless because I have seen through another person's eyes.

    Give yourself a big tight hug and love yourself, because I love you anyway!

    Take care and Happy November 1st to you!
    1962 days ago
    Awesome on your new revelations. emoticon
    1962 days ago
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