Thursday, November 01, 2012
I might as well try out this blog right now. I just spent over an hour on signing up here and setting up my page. I feel that I need to write in order to see things a little more clearly. Thoughts are unorganized in my head and I feel a sense of urgency - I suppose that's part of the anxiety I battle each day. This entry isn't going to be too cohesive. ...more of a "free association", as Freud called it.
I have been battling this weight problem my entire life. After I lost the initial 120 pounds in 2004, I didn't put time or energy into learning how to "maintain". So here I am today, 24 pounds later. I have learned and finally admitted that I am an emotional eater. It's been more clear to me the past couple months - my husband finally decided to stop drinking and recover. I lost 8 pounds when I separated from him, and now that we are together again, I have gained each pound back. I understand that his body is used to all the sugar from the alcohol, so I make goodies and treats for a replacement. In trying to get my unmanageable life back to some sort of a routine, I fall back on eating easy foods, including those treats I made for my husband.
A huge part of my problem is that I have no routine, and I work a split-shift-part-time job. So I work from 7 to 9 am and then again at 3:30 to 5:30 pm. You'd think this wouldn't be an issue because I have 5.5 hours to exercise and plan. Well, living with an alcoholic is hard, so say the very least. I know there are TONS of women out there who can relate with me. I'm not using alcoholism as an excuse either, I have decided. The disease drains and strips people from all functioning ways of life. Until the family gets into recovery, it's hard to grasp and continue clarity of thought and daily pattern. Heck! Even AFTER recovery begins, the ship still rocks - it's a whole new ball game. New emotions come up. Old emotions die hard and it takes energy to practice healthy thinking and calming techniques. *Deep breath* Anyways, I think I'm ready to join an online support group for shaping a healthy lifestyle, concerning food and fitness.
I don't have much of a program started at all. Most mornings I wake up at 4:30 am and that is an UNnatural hour for this girl's body to get up. By the time I'm home at 9:30 am I'm ready to crash on the couch for a few-hour-snooze. While I was at work this morning, however, I did write some notes of my ideas.
This is what I want:
- walk 1 hour daily
- practice portion control
- eat very little sugar and fat per day
- decrease my variety in meals (breakfast and lunch - per Dr. Oz suggestion)
- take rest and sleep when my body needs it
- be mindful and thankful, maintain a slow pace throughout my day
- take vitamins
- continue my hobbies
- continue eliminating chaotic behaviours and thought patterns
- continue to learn
This is information I have gathered that weight loss specialists have suggested to do.
- eat little sugar
- eat whole grains
- eat mainly fruits and veggies
- stay away from bleached/ enriched flours, white starchy foods, rice potatoes etc...
- balance food groups per meal
- eat small meals every 2 hours
- eat 3 meals per day
- eat smoothies
- juice to detox
- eat small portions
- count calories
- exercise, exercise, exercise
This list looks crazy, but after a person integrates it into their lifestyle, it becomes second nature. I think. I would imagine. It's all so much work and thought energy. But there it is, my little database of healthy lifestyle information. I don't want to beat myself up, I just want to be successful.
My boss said her goal for today was to NOT eat any halloween candy and I told her that I was on board. I have to start somewhere today. My second idea was to start Sparkpeople, so here I am. I'd like to get on and blog each day. That's how I lost the first 120. I was at a totally different part of my life though. I pray I can do it again. I pray I can make these changes work for me.
So my goal is to not eat candy today. :) I start there. I just got a shove of motivation to go on a walk and I fear I will lose it if I sit and type any longer. Wish me luck and send positive energies my way!