Wednesday, October 31, 2012
My bionic leg doesn't work with the protectors we wear at volleyball, and I can't move fast enough or jump high enough or extend my body enough for the sport with it on. I can't wear it and be the best I can be for my team, so I'm not wearing it at practice and games most of the times unless we're doing conditioning (I've got my doctor's approval for it, too).
I'm aware of the risks that come with doing something high-impact without the brace. I can deal with the swelling, the weird crunchy sounds, realigning my kneecap every once in a while, and the persistent ache. It's there all the time anyway, and having the joint ache a little more doesn't really bother me.
The cold weather is what's getting to me most of the time. Humidity+cold=hell on old bone injuries. Our coach tries his best to warm us up, but I've always been slow and I can't come in the half hour early that I'd need to really be warm and limber.
In training, my leg went one way and my knee another. I shoved the kneecap back in place (I know how gross this sounds, but seriously, it's not that bad! It hurts for a moment but then it stops, if I don't do it, it hurts and hurts and DOESN'T stop!), but there's this stabbing weakness that goes through my entire leg whenever I jump off it/pivot on it. I'm terrified I've reinjured some tendons- I can still do the moves even now but they're getting harder.
The party was a huge success, but trying to clean up, EVERY single time I put weight on the knee it started giving out- and I was wearing the brace (pretty embarrassing to be Supergirl with my bionic leg, but there you are). I feel like something isn't right, something's moving that shouldn't be moving.
Now, trying to sleep, it being nearly 4am, I feel like someone's using hot and cold needles to stab into my thigh and knee. I also can't bend it all the way.
I need to go see my doc in the morning- I don't want to go to the ER, my doc has all my x-rays and files and post-op notes and knows just what it takes to make me admit I'm in pain.
Because that is the one thing I haven't lost about being an athlete: I know my body. I know how far I can push. I know the difference between good pain, and bad pain, and just "I need a little rest but I'm OK" pain.
This one's bad.
Pleasepleaseplease, dear forces of enthalpy and entropy that rule the universe, work in my favor? I can't go through another op and rehab... I just got back to training!