Today the goblins and ghoulies were not knocking on my door, but my inner goblin took over for a while. I had a, shall we say, candy malfunction?
And it wasn't even just today. I've had two sorta awful days, foodwise. Yesterday I bought one small bag of fun-size Snickers. We only have a few little ones on our street and we rarely get more than a kid or two on Halloween, so I figured that would work well.
It did not. Between me, my fiance and my son, the bag was gone before Halloween morning. So my fiance went out this morning and came home with three (!) bags of candy. I wouldn't exactly say he's enabling me (I'm the one who ate the stuff; he didn't offer it), but there it was calling to me.
I ate about a third of that first bag of Snickers yesterday and had another two Snickers bars and a bunch of little Hershey bars today before I pulled myself together. It was definitely a mini-binge and had all the signs of one: I was sneaking the candy into my pocket and eating it furtively so no one would see. And I was not liking myself while I was doing it. You know what made me stop? SparkPeople. I came here and started reading threads in the "Panic Button" section on the message boards. And then I exercised and drank a bunch of water, which just turned my bad attitude around.
I'm not writing this to beat myself up, even though I was too ashamed to start a panic thread myself. I just want to understand why I did it. Even as I was eating the candy, I was not really enjoying it. Overall It was sort of an ugly, guilty experience. And I honestly believe that sugar is addictive in forms like candy bars. I've been reading David Kessler's book "The End of Overeating," and he talks at length about the addictive qualities of combinations of sugar, fat and salt.
I need to figure this out and pretty soon because Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. I can't live in a vacuum without candy or ice cream around or any number of foods that I need to mostly avoid.
Maybe it's emotional eating and I need to consider what else was going on with me the past few days. How do you, my Sparked friends, deal with these episodes? I'm just glad this place is here for me because I think without it, I might have eaten way more junk food.