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Dieting in silence - Hurt

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Last night I had a huge argument with my mother.

My brother came over for the holidays.
He congratulated me on my weightloss and asked about my diet plans. Naturally, I told him about : my workouts , BMIs, and my weigh ins.

My mother has been a great support throughout this journey.
She was always in the forefront encouraging me.
Yesterday, things changed. She started saying, I should STOP my diet and exercise.

I sensed some hypocrisy in her statement...
When my brother is not around, she is all for it!
Saying: Go go girl you can do it.

But now that I am actually getting serious about my efforts, she wants me to stop.

I know it is not her decision to make, but I risk losing her support.
I need a little support; especially since we live together, eat together.

I feel that I have shared TOO MUCH about my lifestyle change with my family.
I talked TOO MUCH about my diet.
Confided TOO MUCH in them and now it is stabbing me in the back.

Yet, I do not want to give up ! I will not!
I only shared so much about my journey out of excitement !
I am loosing weight, I am healthier and happier !

I am going to keep my mouth shut.
Diet in silence.

I don't really want to go home tonight.
I want to be by myself and focus on the positive effort I have made, enjoy my achievements and visualize my future ... without being criticized by my own family.

I decided to stay: grounded and focused because I believe this journey is worth continuing even on my own.

Stay strong Sparkfriends
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MOLLZ007
    Im sorry that your mom isn't being supportive. Thats always hard especially when you live in the same house. Just keep doing what makes you happy and hopefully she will come around! We will be here to support you! emoticon
    1838 days ago
  • X5X52000
    emoticon emoticon Focus on You!
    1842 days ago
    First off : thank you for the unparalleled support. No one can find such great advice anywhere else but on Sparkpeople. SO THANK you all.

    I have digested all you wrote with care. I understand my mother's worries, the fact that my excitement may be a little too much causing me to overshare, the importance of communication and praying (I can't do it all by myself).

    So I will work to find the balance and talk to my mother to clear things out. In the end I know her too well to be sure that she will keep my best interest at heart.
    From now on, I will keep some things rather private and blog and write and instagram to share it all with those who want to know and want some little advice.

    What a journey, my friends. What a journey.
    I am learning to have a healthier life and relationship.
    I am very grateful for your comments again.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1843 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/1/2012 8:41:10 AM
    It is a hard thing. Sometimes I find myself talking way too much about it to anyone who will listen. I think it's just because this is my life now. This is what I eat, drink, sleep and do--try to be healthy and lose weight. And when someone gives me an opening or says I look good I just want to share it and tell them all about it, probably more than they want to hear. Some people want to know more, but some people I'm sure have been a little overwhelmed by all the information and details I've given them. I hope I will learn to constrain my excitement more in the future and just tell people that if they want to know more about my journey to please ask and I will fill them in or answer their questions. But your mom really needs to be straight with you and you guys need to have a heart to heart and get things out in the open if that is possible. whenever I'm frustrated with other people though I;m so glad I have my sparkfriends who understand. good luck!
    1843 days ago
    Stay strong, pray about it and never give up on you!! emoticon emoticon
    1843 days ago
  • EG8383
    Support on this journey does help and is a big influence on whether you succeed or not especially if you live with that person. I suggest you talk with her to see why she feels like you should exercise now and not just your dieting. Maybe she's trying to say that you're looking really thin and need to work on toning now. Maybe she wants you to exercise now so that she can join you and get her health in order. Don't be upset over this and just question it in your to her to figure things out. You're doing so great! I know you'll stay encouraged regardless! Best of luck. Keep rocking it =)
    1843 days ago
    of course it is a tough situation, but I would actually asked her, what she meant with this comment. Maybe you read something into it that she didn't mean?
    There must be a reason for her changing her mind.

    Be strong and follow your journey!!
    1843 days ago
  • TESS504
    I'm sorry to hear about this... I suggest that you keep pushing, forgive your mother for not understanding and last but not least find a group or a person on the same path. I hope this helps and remember your fellow sparkers love diet talk ; )
    1843 days ago
    By the way, after reading the other comments, I agree more with the suggestion to open up communication with your mom, as she is probably worried.

    1843 days ago
    You stay strong, too.

    My mom did the same thing to me. She said she wanted me to lose some weight as I was so huge, but that she didn't want me to loose too much. (That was many years ago, when I was in my 20s.)

    Mothers are going to do this. I've heard too many peeps experience the same thing.

    It is best sometimes, to keep the info to yourself, especially if you think that they aren't taking the same joy in it as you do. I had to do that with my workplace. I got so I only shared with 2 other people, and one of them was so happy as she needed motivation, too. The other friend was just simply so happy for me--she's a gem! The others would walk by my desk & shove cupcakes under my face. I learned to say, "no thank you" a lot!


    1843 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/31/2012 2:53:52 PM
    All the best !
    1844 days ago
    Dear Iliketozumba

    It is quite a difficult phase indeed. Especially because I am close to my goal and the most important part - maintaining is coming up. It is like the lifetime exam which hopefully will become second nature.

    Truth is on many things I am quite a private person. But since my mum helps me finance my sports membership, etc... And motivated me from the beginning, I thought there was not harm in sharing A LOT of information and plans with her. May be she is tired of hearing it. So I'll keep my distance and deal with it by myself. I just hope she won't stand in the way. I have enough on my plate and I really want to enjoy this life changing journey.

    thank you for your constructive input.

    The goal ::: emoticon
    1844 days ago
    You are not alone, we are all here emoticon Hopefully your mom will realize just how important this is to you...Just try and be patient with her and take one day at a time and continue to do what makes you happy and healthy...... emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
    Dear Elayne 39

    Many thanks for your advice. I think you are right on so many points.
    I know she might be worried because I changed so much since my weight loss. I was also very vocal about how excited and happy and motivated I am to continue. So may be she is a little worried that I would take it too far.
    The truth is I want to be healthy, get to that healthy BMI so that I am no longer overweight. Take it from there and exercise. I have told her this before. But she does not really grasp that. For her weightloss is for beauty. For me it is for health reasons mainly. Anyway I will talk to her, hopefully it will be constructive this time. But I will also keep things more private now. Too much exposure isn't always the best.
    and guess what : she too needs to loose weight for health reasons : cholesterol emoticon
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1844 days ago
    Wow, that's a tough situation. I never told/talked to anyone about my efforts until I hit my goal weight 2 1/2 years later, but just because I was too embarrassed. I think my family would have been super supportive (maybe), but it just seemed easier to forge ahead on my own. I hope you find that, given how your mother is making you feel, you'll find that it's easier to keep things a little more private now. It's a shame though. I know so many people benefit from having supportive friends and family and using the buddy system. But like I said, I liked doing it on my own better, so maybe you will too and it'll all be fine! :)
    1844 days ago
  • ELAYNE39
    Not dealing with you mom would not generally be the best solution. You may have read more into her statements than she meant. Looking at your ticker, you have already lost quite a bit of weight and my guess is that you probably look pretty thin to your mom already. She may be thinking you are taking this too far. I would suggest you sit down with your mom and ask why she thinks you should stop. Share with her just how far you are looking to take this. Show her why your goal weight is healthy. Tell her you need her support not only to lose the few pounds you have to go, but also to maintain it once you get there.

    There may also be a little jealousy on your mom's part too, if maybe she needs to lose a few pounds. Here you are being successful and there she is not really doing much about it.

    Rather than suffer in silence, open the door for better communication. It may be worth a try.
    1844 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/31/2012 11:23:04 AM
    Many thanks sparkfriends for your support I really appreciate your support.
    I am extremely glad to have signed up to this website.
    Sometimes I just have to admit that kicking the old habits is a little challenging but I will not give up. I have enjoyed the journey so far with bumps on the road. Hopefully I will make it to the end and maintain the healthy lifestyle I learnt.
    Billion thanks
    1844 days ago
  • HEARTS116
    Sorry to hear about your challenges at home. I wish you continued success.
    1844 days ago
    So sorry that things have changed and your mom is no longer on your side! emoticon Know that you are definately not alone! You have everyone here at Spark for support and encouragement. Don't stop doing what you're doing for yourself, especially if you're happy and getting healthier. Take one day at a time, and emoticon ! Hope you have a wonderful day!
    1844 days ago
    Maybe things will cool off with your mom and you can share your feelings with her. Let her know how much of a support she has been and how much that means to you and you hope that she can continue. Focus on the points of your plan that are healthy and inclusive of a lifestyle change, versus using the word diet. You are making healthy choices for a healthy life, what isn't to support? Best of luck to you!
    1844 days ago
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