Wednesday, October 31, 2012
So a friend of mine has lost an amazing 90 pounds! She is a Zumba instructor, BB coach and all that! I am so happy for her so looks great! Her mentor has also lost 80 pounds and looks amazing.... Their stories are very much like mine. Kids, family and blah blah blah.
I am so ready to lose this weight again, without the fear of getting pregnant like I did last time.... Only it seems I have given too much of myself away and no one want to help me get ME back! WTFT (what the French toast, heehee got that from my oldest son)
I am not sure how to ask for help, either. I am so used to doing everything for me, by myself. I don't help when I want and need it... And if I actually humble myself to ask, I get the guilt trip... What being a mom not good enough for you? You are lucky to get to be your kids everyday, you should just sit back and enjoy it. MY KIDS ARE MY LIFE! I know I am lucky, God has blessed me beyond measure with a husband who wants me be home and his job helps cover the bills and such. We don't have extra money for gym time, fitness classesans so on. Because it would require a babysitter, for three, gas money to travel up to 40+ miles for said classes. I am 'alone', using words loosely because I am surrounded by children (8 of them, not all mine) ages 17 months to 13 years from sunup to sundown. We don't socialize because of sports for the older kids, and the whole lack of money thing. I haven't been paid in over two months for the day care I provide for three of the above children. That is part of my pity party, I guess. Already feel unappreciated and unworthy...the to throw in my face that you can't afford to pay me, but you can afford to have a life.... Strange.
I keep saying I want me back, but in truth I don't even know where to begin!
I feel like the doors slam in my face, that being a mom is the only thing I have... I am not doing them any good being tired, moody and depressed all the time. I find little joy in anything I do. And that isn't far to my family, let alone to me.
Rant over, baby is making noises.... Let my "life" begin.