Tuesday, October 30, 2012
My status update was too long, so it probably belongs as a note in my blog instead.
I found out that crawling across the grass in public, unexpectedly, for CrossFit & a really hard emotional morning plus extra stress makes a really strong cocktail of crying frustratedly in front of everyone at the park.
I didn't realize how much frustration and stress I was holding in until I couldn't stop it from spilling out. Challenging physical exertion taxes me from a whole different angle, but I guess when my mind is already juggling a dozen other water balloons of stressors, the physicality makes me drop them. And they burst hard and fast, and come out.
I think this is one of the ways that exercise works as stress relief. --And I always thought it would be that I became all "zen" from focusing on the task at hand instead.
My fellow CrossFitters were cheering me on, while I attempted to finish the "monkey-crawl" (no knees) across grass and was last, really last. I couldn't see where I needed to go, how much farther, and it was physically different and challenging, but more in a way that was confusing for my body to coordinate, not painful. Not only that, but I didn't expect to be outside in public. I didn't expect that I'd be covered in bugs and dirt (mud) and grass (and later have to go back to work for 5 more hours) and didn't bring the appropriate clothes, sunscreen or shoes for jogging, or even a pair of socks.
All of this after being worried about friends and family and sparkers facing the hurricane and other weather across the country.. About my sister saying she was disappointed the storm wasn't more impressive where she lived (after 13 people, including a child the same age as my nephew!!! had already been reported as casualties!!!) And after my roommate's son & his fiancee moved in with us with their brand new barely-week-old baby last night... And after a morning of an especially angry person with nothing to lose funneling some of her anger at me for no good reason, including talking about how "hostile" she was accused of being by someone. I have said nothing about her behavior to ANYONE except close friends. I don't complain on Facebook, on here, anywhere, and yet her hostility grows- she described it perfectly. There's more, but nothing any more difficult - it's all pretty innocuous, things that I feel like I should be able to easily handle.
I just need to let it out, I guess.