Tuesday, October 30, 2012
I forgot to weigh in yesterday morning, so I did it this morning instead.
Huge deception: 161 pounds.
I was so happy to be in the 150's. In my mind, there was no coming back. The 160's were just completely out and impossible. Not happening ever again. Well there you are. I know it's just a freakin' number on the scale, but it really crushed me. I've rarely went this quickly from real happy to totally depressed.
I drank my smoothie and then crashed on my bed, not knowing how to react. I was... pissed. Really, really pissed. And when I told my boyfriend why, the only thing he told me is:
"Well, maybe you just gotta try a little bit harder."
As I thought the situation couldn't get any worse...
I hit the gym 6 times a week. 5 times for my regular training and once for 75 minutes of zumba. I TRY to jog twice a week (usually it's once), I swim for half an hour once a week and I walk as often as possible. I've honestly put my whole social life apart for the sake of training. I'm following a meal plan that's leaving me hungry and frustrated a day out of two. I only have ONE day left for socialties - Saturday nights, and I'm pretty much always booked a month in advance because all my friends want to see me. I quit drinking altogether until December for my Transform program. I have made so many concessions it's not even funny anymore. It's almost sad. And there you go at 161 pounds.
I know. A number. Only a number. Just a freakin' number. But it crushed me. And I wasn't sad, just really, really frustrated. Why do all these efforts?! I haven't lost any weight since JULY. Three months later, I'm still at the same point. It feels like no matter how much efforts I put into this, the result is the same: plateau, plateau, plateau. Late September I pretty much half gave up and didn't train a lot. I didn't eat too well either. And I still plateaued. So it feels like my body is just drained and tired and over. Not losing, not gaining. Stuck there with this extra 10 pounds I can't bear anymore.
I'm still torn between hiding the scale away or... or... or whatever else, I don't know. I'm not addicted to the scale - I forget weigh in one Monday out of two - but the number feels worse every week. What should I do? I really need advice here. I know it's just a number, I know I'm doing a lot, I know I'm good, but WHY WON'T IT CHANGE?!