We survived Sandy here without any power outtages or damage. The wind was pretty heavy last night, but it didn't last near as long as they predicted. Now we just have a cold, sleety, day. It sounds like the east coast of the country didn't fare as well. My heart goes out to all of those who are displaced from their homes, or who are without power in this cold weather. I hope the First Responder Crews are able to help them get things back on track, quickly.
The vehicle front. I should be able to get my New(er) vehicle tomorrow. It is a white 2003 Ford Explorer. It is very nice, with low miles, and in very good shape. Only downfall is that the tires are nearly bald. So I have to buy new tires for it (since the brand new tires off my old Explorer didn't fit).
They hauled my old Explorer away yesterday. I signed the paperwork for the tow truck driver, got in the rental van, and cried my eyes out on the way to pick DQ up from dance class. Broke my heart to see that vehicle go. I'm pathetic aren't I?
Fundraising. This is a test of my self hatred. It is a high stress situation at some points. I am handling other people's money. I am responsible to get un-used products sent back to the company we are doing the fundraiser through. I am responsible to report to the dance instructor who made what off the fundraiser. The instructor also wants me signed up on the Booster Parent Bank Account she is going to open. I have had a parent get angry and yell at me b/c she "wasn't told about the fundraiser", then tell me that "she won't sell wreaths" when I told her about the next fundraiser open to the entire dance company. Moments like this... I am inclined to hate myself. I start wondering what I could have done to make this parent happy. I hate for anyone to be upset with me. It really breaks my heart.
But then I think, "T, You've been here nearly every evening for a few hours for the past three weeks, and you haven't seen this lady once. You have information posted in big bold letters on the bulletin board. So her being out of the loop isn't for your lack of trying."
I have tried. The office manager of the company reinforced that thinking too. Saying that that woman chooses to sit outside in her car, and never comes in to stay in the loop of what is going on. So it is her own fault if she missed out on the fundraiser. Yes. It is her own fault. Self hatred moment averted.
I think this could be a good exercise in learning to love myself. I am putting myself out there in a situation that is uncomfortable to me. I am challenging myself because I have to interact with other people... a lot in this "position". I am proving myself... to myself and others, of what kind of person I am, and what kind of intelligence/integrity I hold. Did I do everything perfect in this fundraiser? Nope. It was a learning curve. I know now what I need to do next time we do this. I have chosen not to beat myself up over my mistakes, but to just grow from them.
This is an accomplishment for me. A big one.
I'm wrapping up one fundraiser and advertising for the next. We will be offering Holiday Shopping Child Care at the studio. Drop your child off for up to 5 hours, while you get your shopping done (we will be doing this at 7:00a on Black Friday too). I have to start asking local businesses if they will let us hang the flyers at their establishments. I am going to focus on the banks and the daycare centers in the area.
V at Behaven. She has been testing them. Pushing them as far and as hard as she can to see how they respond. They just keep re-directing her. Ignoring the bad, praising the good. I am learning a lot from this venture, and I know she is too. She has been a teensy bit different at home. I am proud of her.
But in all honesty I am determined to find time. I am going to count walking the kids around trick or treating as exercise.
I know planning is half the battle. Meal planning is just my biggest weakness. I truly hate doing it. I think it is because I hate spending money. I hate seeing the bill at the end of the shopping trip. M does most of our grocery shopping because of this. He buys tons of stuff I don't like to eat. I am left eating things I don't like, or not eating at all. I need to figure out what to do about this. Maybe sit down and see if M can help me out.... I don't know.
So that is me. And what is going on. I hope things are going well with you, and you are still on the right track. What are you going to do this week, to conquer self hatred? I am going to track what I eat, even if it is crap.... in the hopes to figure out how to meal plan and put better food in my body.
Have a fantastic day!!