Sunday, October 28, 2012
I went "back" to yoga today.
I noticed some things.
I notice that I get very anxious when there are boys in a yoga class...especially when they share mat space near me. They could be 500 years old and I am still anxious. The ones today were young...23 or so. One of the two asked how long I'd been practicing... I said off and on for a few years... And he said he'd been coming about 2 weeks. Admirable. Until he out-yoga'd me.
I notice that I prefer to yoga in the dark or without a mirror. I hated any fitness class with a mirror, and I still do... I hate having to face myself, my body, how awful it looks in any mirror... I hate how I see every bulge, every ripple...how no matter how well I am aligned, I still look like a beach ball with legs on the mat.
I notice that when I spend time away from yoga, it's a lot like starting over with running or anything else fitness... there are things you can't do well anymore...things that take time and practice to get good at... and it's discouraging.
I notice that yin-storative (which is what my studio calls yin yoga which is a restorative practice) is at the same time comforting and emotional. Several times tonight I teared up...not because something hurt, rather because an emotion came to the surface... I know this is normal, but it was still odd...trying to suppress tears sos that I didn't interfere with anyone else's practice.
I notice that I feel calmer after...even though I was discouraged, emotional, sad, and feeling much like a hippo.
I notice that though I am not the lithe, thin, tall stereotypical yogini in the room, I still feel good when I stop focusing on the mirror..the challenge... I remember reading things from @bravenewgrl about her yogic journey and how self-conscious she was...yet she did it anyway, focusing on her strength... and I know I can do the same thing... And I told myself that a lot tonight.
So thank you all...for continuing to inspire me :) All of you have made great changes in your lives...and so can I.