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I'm back!


Friday, October 26, 2012

What a bummer. My bum is huge again. Here I am just 2 pounds below my starting SparkPeople weight.

I haven't been tracking my food for about 1 year. And I haven't been exercising regularly since around New Years.

It all started with a bad situation at work last October. It's no secret that my boss is a jerk, but last October was maybe the worst ever. And I've noticed he always gets crankier in the fall. I think putting away his sailboat for the season, plus his own boss looking of end of year reports gets him in an especially bad mood. But I was at the height of reclaiming myself and had hit my all time low on the scale. I was dressing up every day and really feeling great in my skin. I was sticking to exercising regularly and very proud of my "guns". Well, I think that bugged my boss. Did I mention he was a jerk. It seemed like he went into overdrive bashing me on every decision and going against my recommendation on principal alone. Finally, one day a small miscommunication found me meeting with HR over my "behavioral problems".

It was just bad business and bad management. I found myself wishing that he would just fire me. I tried not to take it personal, but in all honesty I was really burnt out. I looked into a lawyer, but since he didn't do anything other than be a jerk my options are limited. I'd rather focus on finding another job, which was no easy task a year ago (and still isn't). While I didn't find myself a job, I found one for someone else and helped them out of an even worse situation. So, it's not like I haven't been looking. I've even been working on switching careers.

At the time I was also struggling with my husband's weight gain. As I did better and better, he was making more and more stops for fast food and ice-cream. I felt terrible for so many reasons. I felt guilty and lost and unable to connect with him. Why could I be doing well and helping friends and family, but my own husband was just putting on more and more weight. I was really worried about his health.

You'd think with all the info I had and was dishing out to others, that I'd only have had a short back slide. That being a strong person with lots of smarts would keep me from readopting my old habits. Well, the little slack I was giving myself at first turned into a lot of slack. And now I feel like I'm back at square one. Out of shape, unhappy with my body, and avoiding the mirror and compliments.

And knowing how much work I have to do to reclaim lost ground is only making it harder to start back up again.

I think it's been an important time for me mentally. But I also think it is time to reclaim my pride and my health.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Right?

Well, I have some major problems to admit to.
- I eat too much. and sometimes even seem to punish myself with overeating or take out my anger at situations by overeating. NOT GOOD!
- I don't exercise, like, ever. I miss it. It makes me feel good emotionally. It gives me pride in my accomplishments. I miss my guns. :(
- My guilt that I have over my husbandís weight gain. I need to stop worrying about it and go back to living by example. Living like him has not helped, only helped him gain even more weight.
- My lack of confidence at work. I practically feel like a battered woman. I'm super smart, but been silenced by a miserable boss. And I'm sooooooo bored. I'm ready to start being me and if that rocks the boat a little to hard for him... too bad for him!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LALMEIDA 10/26/2012 9:15PM

  Welcome Back! Sorry about the situation. Take it one day and one step at a time.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/26/2012 9:02PM

    I have been in a toxic job before and it really takes a toll on a person. It is hard to be healthy when you are in an unhealthy stressful situation. stress for me equals weight gain. As I have gained some of my weight back so has my son and hubby too. You and I need to get back to basics.

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DARJR50 10/26/2012 4:50PM

  I sounds to me like you need to consider a different job. You definitely are an abused employee. Don't let your boss's egotism and behavior throw you off track. You know what your worth to the company is, and more importantly, you know what your self worth is. Get back on track and show yourself and your jerk of a boss that you have the power to stand in your own tracks and to hell with what anybody else says or thinks. Including and especially the jerk.

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NANCYPAT1 10/26/2012 4:05PM

    I am sorry you had such a rough year. Now, be nice to YOU and hubby too - you can not do this for HIM just as he cannot do it for YOU. Give yourself and hubby a break and maybe instead of getting upset or feeling guilty about HIM, you can entice him to eat a little healthier by trying some fun recipes and experimenting with ways to lower fat, calories, etc. while still keeping taste and the flavors similar.

You can recoup your gains and you CAN move on from where you are now.

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LEFTHANDLUKE 10/26/2012 3:59PM

    emoticon

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