Friday, October 26, 2012
In managing your life - unknown events can quickly spiral things into a tailspin and hitting "rock bottom" seems to be a reoccurring pattern I am experiencing, long before I seek out help and assistance.
I think this stems from my childhood. You see my mother was an extremely prideful woman. In her mind it was totally unacceptable to EVER ask others for assistance.
In 1996, I went through corporate downsizing. Prior to these events, I felt confident, safe and secure in my 26-year career. But loosing a job, even at this length, puts you through those same feelings like when you experience death - those feelings of shock, denial and eventually acceptance.
Unfortunately down-sizing quickly became the wave of the future, which seems to happen more frequently these days. It's that euphoric sense of being tossed into a dark abyss and not knowing which way to turn next.
By 2004, I experienced my second down-sizing. Positions were no longer careers and jobs became much harder to acquire. Most of my previous work experience included technically oriented positions and I was frequently passed by because I was "over qualified".
I had been out of work since Oct 2004, got very sick in April 2005 and my life hit another uncontrollable tailspin, which unfortunately led me to my current disability.
Financially, I was up that creek without a paddle and sought out my parents for a solution...BIG MISTAKE! They informed me that I was a disgrace, that I had degraded and embarrassed the family name, that this "situation" was totally unacceptable and before they slammed the door in my face - I had become a "burden on society".
With no support from family, I quickly withdrew from life, deep depression set in and those unfriendly triplets quickly rose to the surface. I think you know them....those triplets called: self-doubt, low self-worth, and low self-esteem. They became my constant companions.
I had hit "rock bottom" and it was my significant other that became my 'light at the end of the tunnel' that led me back from the unknown. He took over my house payments and utility bills, to keep a "roof over my head".
Swallowing my pride, I called the county to seek out assistance and was allowed a small food allowance. Government unemployment services was next on my list and I quickly found they have a wealth of experienced people willing to help you get back into the working world.
Then I approached my doctor, he kept reassuring me that my parents were WRONG. The feelings I was experiencing were NOT MY FAULT and soon the internal healing began.
I know now that there are many services available - you just need to swallow your pride, reach out and accept their assistance.
But the story doesn't end here....
Being home-bound is part of my daily challenges and often my patience becomes thread-bare before I seek out help from an outside source. The first week of October, I once again hit "rock bottom" with my physical challenges. My Lymphedema and Osteo-arthritis have over-powered my life. I keep battling to 'stay in control' and not relinquish myself to living out of a wheelchair. Call me stubborn, but I think it's an unacceptable resolution.
On October 9th, I hit the 'end of my rope' and called the clinic, requesting assistance from my doctor! It turned into a 15-day challenge, with her nurse, to obtain the referral which finally resulted in Home Health Care.
The nurse finally faxed in the referral, late afternoon on Oct 23rd, the home care service called me the morning of the 24th and by early afternoon of the 25th - a case manager was questioning and critiquing my abilities and challenges that life has thrown my way. The Case Mgr, in turn, has become my 'light at the end of the tunnel' and frequently calls with other services they have available. I'm astounded, excited and more than willing to get my life back on track.
Then, last night I was thinking about these "rock bottom" moments and wondered if that might be what's stalling out my weight loss journey? Where is the excitement I had when I first started this healthy journey? Where is that determination I once had? And I wondered....why do I think I need to hit "rock bottom" before this healthy journey changes my life?
What I truly need is to find a way to move out of the denial stage, reach out and take advantage of all these wonderful tools that Spark People has to offer. Acceptance requires change and once again - far off in the distance.....I think I see a 'light at the end of the tunnel'........