Thursday, October 25, 2012
The last two days have been.... terrible. I know that what I feel - depression, hopelessness, sadness - is valid; but for some reason I am terrified of emotions. I don't know why, but I always feel the need to cover them up - with food, with sex, with performing. Those options DO NOT WORK. They temporarily mask the pain, sometimes, but in the end all I feel is failure and despair.
NO MORE. Today I am going back to what works. I will track my food. I will EXERCISE instead of zoning out with food. I will TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS. I wll NOT SHUT OUT MY FRIENDS. I give myself PERMISSION to be human and not have it all together all the time. IT IS OK TO CRY. Other will NOT feel burdened if I need to talk to them.
I GOT THIS.