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    L.I.L.MOMMY   76,811
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints

I am very proud of myself

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Yesterday, my surviving twins birthday (his twin passed away six hours after being born), which is usually the worst day of the year for me. For the past eight years, on that day I am a combination of grief, sadness, depression for the son I lost, but I'm also grateful and happy to be able to celebrate the day with my surviving son, my miracle baby.

Yesterday started off tough, but by party time I was able to be fully present in the moment! I was there 100% with my surviving son. I realized that it's ok to give Michael a great day and I was able to do so without guilt.

I took me several years to come to grips with everything that happened and to learn by living in the moment, it in no way lessens the memory of Anthony and I think he would want his mamma to be there in whole for his twin on their special day.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GAYLLYNNE 10/25/2012 12:15PM

    Yes, you will keep one child deep in your heart forever but the other one can be in your heart and your arms. I'm so happy the birthday was great. He deserves it and so do you!!

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BILL60 10/25/2012 8:04AM

    That's real tough!! Glad you're getting through it. Wish you the very best. Hang tough and do "20".

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GIRLINMOTION 10/24/2012 8:59PM

    Anthony will always be in your heart, regardless of the years passing by.

So glad that you could live in the moment to make it a great day for Michael and yourself.

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OPTC_RORY_REECE 10/24/2012 2:30PM

    Well, sweetheart, that's what grieving mommies 'do' and for all these passing years, you've forced yourself to go on without relieving that ache in your arms and in your heart for your little Anthony. You're a *real* mommy, Tracy. That means you can love BOTH of your sons and it really IS okay. I am sure your little Anthony, was grinning over the bannisters of heaven at his brother and you and daddy yesterday. emoticon

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PJBONARRIGO 10/24/2012 2:28PM

    You should be proud of yourself! It takes a lot of time and effort to heal from such a loss. You have done so well, congratulations on handling the day so well. I am a surviving twin; I'm glad that you had such a nice birthday with Michael. emoticon

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CCBULLDOG 10/24/2012 2:15PM

    So sorry for the loss of Anthony. I'm sure it takes all your strength to live in the moment for Michael instead of losing yourself in grief. emoticon Thank you so much for sharing this blog. emoticon

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