Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Tonight when I got home from work my muscles hurt too much to allow sleeping. So, instead I decided to put in a little computer time since I usually don't have the time. It just so happens that I have the next two days off and I potentially have the option of 'sleeping in' come morning....I hope. Well, I surfed Facebook a little and then read through some emails and finally ended up here on SP. I've been adjusting my weight ticker sporadically trying to force myself to feel bad enough about the weight I have put on to get serious about doing what it takes to take it off. Wow! That's about all I can say.
My weight has escalated to a whopping 35 pound gain since this time last year. My, my how fassssst it flies on compared to how sloooow it creeps off or at least that's the way it is for this old body.
I keep asking myself and the Lord, WHY? Why do I keep cramming stuff I don't really need in my mouth? I feel really really bad when I'm done eating it.... I know I've failed God and myself. I think about how long it took to lose it this time which was about six years total and I still praise God that I with His help lost 100 pounds and kept it off for three whole years. What happened? I said I'd NEVER be that big again.... One has to really be careful with what one says, I zooming that way quickly.
Well, this one thing I know, God never changes, so I know it is ME. "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever." that's what the good Book says. I keep praying that the Lord will take this thing, this attachment I have to food or whatever it is away. I've found myself in this place where I have to really take a long honest assessment of me. I also know there has to be a reason I am here just stuck. I don't have the answer yet but I know God is faithful and merciful and patient and kind and loving even though I feel unworthy of all those things. I suppose more than anything I just needed to say these things or "vent" so to speak.
I do feel at this moment a peace that it will be okay. My God is bigger than whatever is wrong in my life. Even if I don't understand, He does and He will never leave me or forsake me. No matter what happens, no matter what the circumstances God is good and my refuge in time of trouble.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." Psalms 19:14 This is my prayer.