Monday, October 22, 2012
I have recently had a hard time falling asleep. I attribute it to the fact that I haven't worked out in a week, and prior to that, I was working out every day for a few weeks. I hurt my back lifting some heavy things (stupidly) around the house. I'm taking it easy until things heal. My body probably has an energy reserve for when I go back to working out. And since I have done nothing but sit on the couch every evening, I have taken to my long-time favorite past times of reading and watching TV.
It is a challenge as great as stopping the sugar addiction that I've been battling for the last few weeks. Somehow, when I sit down and flip through channels, or read a favorite book, I can't help but eat something sweet, and then salty, and then sweet again...basically alternating until I am ready to burst.
As a result, I stay up late trying to digest all that sweet stuff and junk, and I really feel sick the next morning. I am not winning on any counts in this battle. I really don't even know why I do this. Many times, the books that I read make a reference to food. I immediately start to think that maybe a cup of hot chocolate, or a few crackers and cheese....and what begins as a trickle opens the flood gates wide - and I start eating like I haven't eaten the whole day/week/month. It's truly sickening.
I am so fed up of feeling this way the next morning. I clearly know the difference between a normal day, and a day when I had just too much sweet to eat. On the mornings after those days when I ate healthy and exercised - my body was humming with joy. I know that I enjoy waking up feeling light and fresh, as opposed to stuffed, nauseous and bulky.
Yesterday was busy and stressful, and I knew wasn't eating well -or enough. I came home, and after everyone went to bed, I literally ate a thousand calories of chocolate, hot chocolate, chips and ice cream. A typical reaction to stress for me. I felt so ill this morning.
Since it just happened, I know I still feel sick enough to brush my teeth, and go straight to bed right after I type this. No comfortable lounge with favorite book or TV show is worth feeling that disgusted in the morning.
I have so many tough battles to fight with myself - sugar addiction, comfort eating, dealing with stress in constructive ways (as opposed to the not-so-healthy ways that I currently practice), combination eating (as in, I love having high fat-high sugar combinations of foods together - eg, cake/cookies with milk, or a really rich coffee like pumpkin spice latte with doughnut/cookie/pound cake, pizza and pop, etc. The result is I end up not enjoying things individually, and am somewhat dissatisfied even though I ate something rich/sweet.
Anyway, here I am - typing instead of eating and I will sleep now instead of staying awake and snacking. I just hope it becomes a lifestyle change for me, instead of a series of good days followed by several weeks of stuffing my face (and adding 5-7lbs) to compensate for the lean eating that I did for a short while. I'm really hoping that this time, I make it work.
For me, and a healthier lifestyle.