Monday, October 22, 2012
This has been such a process. I haven't lost much weight at all, but I'm pushing through in my life. I am able to clean house more. I have more positive days. I am more interactive with the kids. My life has been a series of unfortunate events. I've never felt like I was in control. I think I decided that there wasn't any point in attempting to live a positive life since everything turned out so bad. Well what I have been doing for the past months is changing my mindset and realizing that I don't have to stay where I am. That I can make a change and I am in control. That basically I can do whatever I set my mind too. I'm still working on it, but it is coming. I chaperoned for the first time the other day a group of 4th graders to a football game where they appeared to sing. I had so much fun with those kids. I'm reading two days a week to the 1st grade classes. It is only 20 minutes, but it makes me think about my appearance. It gives me something to look forward to and it gets me out of the house. You see I was going to be an Elementary Education teacher. I had one year in when I met the man I would marry. He destroyed anything that was left of me mentally and it has taken some time to rebuild, but here I am loving the possibilities. God has blessed me by using me as a vessel to take his word to the adult Sunday School class at our church and I'm starting to learn to play the piano. I'm just teaching myself as much as I can from what my Aunt taught me when I was little. She isn't with us anymore and I'll always regret quitting lessons for basketball. But now instead of living in regret, I'm moving forward and making the most out of it. I really want to get to the YMCA once or twice a week, but money is very limited and Gas is so expensive. It is 40 minutes away from me. I would ask that you pray that God would provide me with the money and energy I need to continue down this road. My goal is to start classes online by the beginning of next school year in 2013. I'm getting my debt paid off and the end is in sight. Also there is a possibility that I will be getting my own car, so please keep that in your prayers as well. I'm not eating right, but I didn't have a kitchen sink about 2 to 3 months and it just got fixed, so now I have a functional kitchen. It was such a blessing because my sink was so small that I couldn't fit hardly anything in it and I've always wanted a deeper sink. I didn't have the money to buy one. Well a man from church had a really deep sink that he gave me. The lever was messed up and my brother couldn't get it to worked. It was clogged up or something and he knew I wanted a pushup lever and a spray hose and he bought me a beautiful set as a surprisMy Grandma, bless her amazing and giving heart, saved for me a microwave on her fixed income and surprised me with a really nice one about 3 weeks ago. I cried a river. I was without a microwave for a really really long time. Also I got a set of cordless phones and I had been hooked to a landline for a long time, so I'm feeling more and more free. I'm glad I wrote this all to you. Sorry it is so long, but it has encouraged my heart to think about how many blessings I have gotten in the past month. Now its time to clean my kitchen including stove and fridge and start planning good foods! What I mainly have been doing is trying to drink water more. God is truly a wonder and people all around me see how amazing I'm doing. I hope I will embrace it more and more. I'm my own worst enemy. My grandma told my mom that she knew I would be okay now and she has peace in her heart knowing I will do great if the Lord takes her. She has been there for me and done so much for me. Well I've wrote enough. Once I started typing, it all just rolled out. It has been way too long since I've blogged. Love and blessings to you all! There is more to this than just numbers!