I won't accept this
Friday, October 19, 2012
My weight went up this week instead of down. It's not a case of doing everything right & still gaining. It's a case of failing to try.
I did step up my exercise this week & am feeling a pleasant soreness in my neglected muscles as a result. For only the second time since I fell & reinjured my left arm, Wednesday I did a long 28-Day Bootcamp session (SP video mixing cardio & strength training). My left arm still can't quite straighten out the whole way, & I didn't try to force it & did use lighter weights than I used to. I think it's going to be OK without another round of PT.
So I'm back on track in that department. It's helping me generally to feel more cheerful--I knew it would. Nothing like exercise endorphins to restore perspective.
I also saw my new spiritual director a couple of weeks ago & was SO encouraged. She listened well to me & explained that she takes a psychospiritual approach & often works with dreams. She led me in a short open-ended meditation that took me pretty deep into my pain. I've come to understand that being IN my pain (rather than avoiding it, which I've always been pretty good at) is one of my life tasks right now. So when I do have a particularly sad day (as I did recently after reading a novel about a marriage destroyed by narcissism, like mine), I remind myself that it's OK, that I need to go through this rather than around it. And making that choice means I'm not helpless, & that in itself makes me feel better.
I put my dream journal next to my bed with a pen again. Thus far I've recorded bits of several dreams--maybe some of them will be good material for discussion next time I see my spiritual director, in late November.
Now it's time to get serious about my eating again. I won't accept an upward weight/bodyfat spiral even if I'm going through an emotionally hard time. Reestablishing consistently healthy choices in my eating will be another way to comfort myself. In the coming week I will LOSE weight!
I'm writing this on an Amtrak train, headed for a long-awaited St. Louis visit with my granddaughter (& my son & DIL)! MUCH more comfortable than Megabus, I must say. Gonna be a great weekend!