I have a list of phone numbers I have to call, in order to handle issues with the estate. I don't really want to call any of them, but there is one I have to call today, to see if I qualify for a one-time payout from a provincial department to help cover his funeral costs.

Step-Son texted me last night, he wants to talk. I'm not looking forward to this one at all, but it has to be done soon.

Tal's shop called, they want me to come in today for a short visit. They have a card for me, and when I get there, I'm also going to make an appointment to get the list of mechanical issues with the truck, so I can figure out if it's better to fix this one, fix the white truck that we bought from Step-Son, or go buy a new(er) one altogether.

I have papers from the bank, and I am very relieved that we had life insurance on our mortgage (mandatory from bank) and on the loan we had just taken out in August. I remember the day we went in for the paper signing of the loan, and he started to argue about the life insurance on the loan. I had told him that we would keep it on the loan for a year, and we would look at it again later. You have no idea how relieved I am that the loan was covered.

I also need to call Blue Cross, to find out if there was any insurance for him via the health insurance we have through work. I highly doubt there's anything, but I'll call to find out.

There is also a monthly pension that I will receive from the feds, CPP papers, and thankfully, we had filed our income taxes the last couple years as a married couple. And that his divorce was finalized, so his ex doesn't get a penny. I'm quite relieved over that one. I don't want to be mean, but his ex is a headcase, and he was always pleased that he had finished that paperwork. (It sure pushes me to get my divorce papers finalized.) I'm talking to his ex on the phone while I type this, and all I want to do is hang up on her. She was never one of my favourite people, and I know it's mean, but I'm not going to deny that she still angers me when I hear her voice. But I'm trying to be civil, for the sake of his children and his best friend (his ex's fiance). But I could go on without ever speaking to her again.

I still have no appetite. If I manage to eat 3 F&V's on my own, I'm doing good. There's no joy in eating, or many other things for that matter. Food tastes good, but I'm barely able to finish an apple or half a plate of food or even half a sandwich. And family is watching me like a hawk when it comes to the food. I'm forgetting to eat. I look at food and turn my nose up in disgust. I keep sipping from my water bottle, but I'm having trouble remembering how many bottles I've gone through. And I've been very afraid to even consider eating chocolate or doughy/bread-y snacks, since they are my comfort foods.

I'm just so sad when I'm alone with my thoughts.

*sigh*

I love you, Sweet Heart. I wish you weren't supposed to leave me so soon.