Friday, October 19, 2012
My weight is a huge stressor for me. It consumes me day and night and has for years. I compare myself to other women I see and it drives me crazy as I find myself lacking in all areas of body image. I find my own self worth is wrapped up in my idea of what I should look like against what I actually do look like.
Last night DH took me out to the store, as the weather is getting cooler and my clothes aren't fitting properly I wanted to get a nice cardigan. I found one in a 1X (I was fitting into a 3X a few weeks go) and tried it on, it was a little tight but not uncomfortably tight I was elated, overjoyed, thrilled, all those lovely words! Until I got to the mirror that is and did a 360 degree turn to see what it looked like on. All my joy about what I have been doing for myself went out the window fast. I was beaten down last night emotionally. I haven't looked in a full lenght mirror for so long that when I finally did I became instantly depressed and angry,
That is the typical daily stress that I go through about my self image. I'm generally a happy person up beat and positive, about other people and their lives while I stress about my body and how others generally see me as. I've been doing better and these challenges help, but it's stressful.