I am one of those in the habit of making excuses. And I have to say that there is one in particular that I have become expert at making.... using my anger and emotion as an excuse to eat. And eat. AND EAT.
I share my food tracker. Go ahead, take a look at it. I am not ashamed tonight. I'm owning up to what I did to myself. Go look, I dare you. In fact, here, I'll make it even easier... here's the link:
I ate tonight out of anger. I was a day's-worth-of-calories angry. I was angry at my husband for leaving a sink full of dishes. I was angry that my job search wasn't going as successfully as I hoped. I just was so full of anger that I took it out on myself. I was angry looking at people's pictures on Facebook. I was just F'ING ANGRY. It's hard to understand what goes on during a binge, and if you're not a binge eater, it's reasonable to question why anyone would do such a thing to themselves. Well, I'd love to give you an honest answer, but the truth is, I don't have one.
I imagine that it's the same mechanism that causes people to drink, or cut themselves, or do drugs. You lose control of the level-headed self you are and go into something like a black-out, only you're completely conscious and aware. Part of you fights to stop it, but the angry (or sad, or bored) part is stronger at that very moment and you give in to it. Then in a flash you've managed to eat 1600+ calories worth of food and have nothing to show for it. The tears flow.
I never tracked a real binge before. Everyone over-indulges once in a while, but this isn't the same. This is replacing the emotion with food. Hopefully, someone else will read this and be able to relate. I just needed to vent before I further damaged myself and my self-esteem. I have worked so hard for 10lbs, I really don't want to sabotage myself.
I own up to this. This is my mistake, and I made the excuse to do what I did. I OWN IT. And I will start fresh tomorrow, give myself a clean slate, and move on.