Thursday, October 18, 2012
I have been struggling the past few months with diet and exercise as well as OTHER things in life.
I have gained a few pounds. The jeans I once used to fit into a year ago no longer fit. Grrr!!! I really wish I could get back into it. I seem to be maintaining my current weight though. But I know if I don't take proper care of myself I could easily gain a lot more than that. Ugh!!!
I've been struggling with other things in life too. I'm trying to get it all sorted out but it's really hard. Apparently I do NOT have a real job. I'm a stay at home mom and according to my own husband that really isn't a job at all. I tell him all that I do but it's a "piece of cake" to him. Yeah, I'd really like to see him try everything that I do. It's not that easy especially when you are struggling with OTHER things as well.
So many issues at the moment.
I have changed so much as a person. I am really not the same person as I was just a few years ago. My husband seems to be handling it "OK" but he's very non verbal about it. He much rather complains about my texting "too much" and I should just cut back or call them up instead. I think it bothers him that I have friends, lots of friends. The last party I threw, every single person that was here were people that I KNEW, friends of mine and their husbands. The husbands get along great with one another but its very weird for a man to make a friend. Or maybe its just my own husband. He does not have any friends. Not really. I am VERY MUCH a social person and there is no changing that. I'm not about to become someone I'm not just to please the other person. I think that is what had happened to me when we got married. I just became what he wanted me to be.
But now I "grew some wings" so to speak. I fly on my own now and while I am really loving the new me, I do not think that he is. It seems to be getting worse as time goes by and its a VERY scary road to be on. Couples counseling is next on our list....well MY list anyway. I'm sure he would rather NOT have counseling but if he really loves me he would do it.
I guess time will only tell what will happen. All I know is that I'm tired of my heart hurting and everything else. I LOVE who I am and who I have become, even though being a single mom 4-5 days a week is VERY hard to do, I am somehow managing!! I am doing FINE! But like I said before, my job isn't a real job, nope. I don't have a career. I only have a two day a week "paying" job. I do not, and will NEVER regret being a stay at home mom, EVER! I love my kids!!!! I am thankful I have been able to see them grow up and learn new things!! Take those first steps! :-) Hear those first words! NOTHING can make me regret that!!
I love being a mom! It IS hard at times but somehow I manage to get through each and every single day. Exhausted at times, but I get through it!
Anyway, just a quick update. I have had way too much on my mind lately. I just needed to write it all out. Gotta go! Soccer practice!! Yes...I'm a soccer mom!!! And proud of it! :-)