Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Well if you read my last blog, you'll know all about what's been going on in my life. I've been doing a little better each week at geting me back on track and feeing better. However this last few days, I'd say Sunday night through Wednesday afternoon, have been a trial full of personal learnings that I am excited to share.
Unfortunately, things had to get bad before I learned these lessons, but I think that's the way it must be done unfortunately. So to sum up some of the external gunk, one of my really good friends has been haing marital problems. Her husband had an afffair and then feel into a depression and has announced he's suicidal at this point. Now being friends with each of them, maintaining my neutral stance (although i do have my opinions on the matter, my job's to be a friend and love them regardless of their errors) Its been taxing. My cell phone is being texted to almost around the clock. Then i had an anxiety attack during my yearly exam ( I never do that exam well, but this was bad). Then yesterday one of my very closest friends calls and her boyfriend just dumped her out of the blue. Then I had a 10 hour day at work and had to drive to a friends after work for a dinner get together we'd been planning. So I'm feeling like I'm strung tighter than a guitar string by bed time last night. But yet the light comes in...
On Monday night, I'd called my friend, and asked him to come over cause i didn't want to be alone really. I asked for help and it eased some of the anxiety. He came over again Tuesday ( I asked him too) I just needed someone to talk to. The important thing is when I felt like it was becoming too much I reached out. Today I felt the anxiety and pressure building up again, and I just pulled up a blank word document and kept typing things like, "Their problems are not my problems. I can be a good Friend without sacrificing myself"
Now I'm much calmer and I can feel that knot in my stomach slowly loosening, and I feel that I have developed as a person this week.1) I asked for help and felt no guilt. 2) I still went to my friends to have some fun versus going home to listen to everyone else's problems. 3) I took a positive step when i felt the tension rebuilding so I can break this cycle I'm in anxiety wise.
This evening, I'm checking on everyone once as a friend would when they are aware of someone's problems. I am turning my phone to silent. I am eating a spark friendly dinner, I am drinking a glass of wine and taking a bubble bath and going to bed early!