Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I want to feel pretty. I think I look ok, not gorgeous, but ok. But, really, I miss those looks I used to get. In a store or whatever. Hubby tells me I'm "hot". It's not the same. I want to see some full appreciation from a man that isn't biased.
Am I being too - it's all about me? I try to at least put on base makeup and mascara. I try to at least straighten my bangs so they're not flying away and pull the rest into a ponytail. I dress in jeans and a nicer (not glamorous, but not a plain tee either) looking top. That's about all I do... I just straighten the ol' bangs before bed, splash on those two makeup items, and pull on clothes that's in my closet. Jeans insure pretty much anything looks ok lol.
I don't do tons, but I don't have time. And frankly I don't want to be someone who takes an hour or more fixing up just to leave the house. No offense to anyone who does, but going to get groceries does not drive me to look all made up. But I wish I would get one of those looks. The kind that makes you want to put a little swagger in your step lol. And the creepy looking janitor from the kids' school doesn't count.
I know that I'm pretty inside. But the cashier isn't going to sit down and have a convo with me. I need a confidence boost. I think what I need to do is go out. I mean out-out. To a bar with friends for a drink or something. Fix up, look nice, put a little more effort into it. Unfortunately I have exactly 3 friends in real life. All 3 of them aren't into that scene. I have a sister that I would love to go with, but since her hubby is military she now lives in Idaho. And Hawaii before that. I have seen her only 3 times in 3 years and it was to spend time with each others' families.
*Sigh* I guess it has to do with feeling like a schlump all the time. I know that if I felt better about myself I wouldn't need those looks, but hell, once in a while wouldn't hurt. And it sucks because, even though I lost all that weight, I still feel yucky looking. At least I'm not embarrassed to leave the house anymore huh.
Ugh, well, I'm rambling. Which is kind of the point of this blog. Just getting some feelings out there. But I'll end this here before it becomes a 10 page blog. Besides, I've got to put little one to bed for his nap. Until next time...
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I don't know...maybe now that I'm in my early 50s I expect not to get as many looks, and certainly don't expect as many looks as when my body was vavavavoom voluptuous, but I do remember how it felt, and it was nice and yes, confidence boosting. I guess I want to tell you that you really don't need that confidence boost from anyone else, though. Feeling confident can come from within; knowing you are desirable is that feeling we tend to get from others. I have seen many women get looks from men and they still don't get that they are beautiful, desirable, attractive...because they don't believe it themselves. Develop a little swagger in your step on your own and I'm willing to bet people notice. Confidence is so attractive to people. It draws them in a way that mere physical beauty never will. Strut with your head held high knowing how gorgeous you are inside and it will manifest on the outside. Give it a whirl. If nothing else your posture will be better!
1825 days ago
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Reiko tells me I'm beautiful all the time, but I always say she sees me through rose colored glasses. I think there is nothing wrong with wanting a little validation from an unbiased source. And let me just say, you do way more than I do on a daily basis. I' stay in my jammies all day, no makeup, hair in a ponytail, and no makeup. I look crazy...until I feel bad for Reiko and decide to take time to fancy up a bit LOL
1826 days ago
Oh man oh man. Thanks for not making me feel self centered girls. ( and thank you for the compliment ATTACKFATCAT) I don't feel so alone now. Which is weird I think... Not that I'm happy for you for feeling that way.
Amanda - I can't wear much jewelry either. I wear a little necklace all the time but earrings break me out if I wear them for more than a few hrs. and my hands swell so rings are difficult too. Since I cant wear them all the time, I forget to put them on to go out. I felt pretty in school, but since I got preg for the first time when I was 18, I've felt shlumpy since then. Then after I had the 3 boys in 3 years I felt like a busted can of biscuits! Not as much anymore, but I still hate my roll.
Kimmylou - I usually wear a little makeup, like I said, but it's mostly to cover the dark (hereditary) circles under my eyes and the fact that my eyelashes look almost nonexistent w/o mascara. I actually have long lashes so that's weird? I do feel prettiER now that I've went down to just pleasantly plump, but I'm still not where I want to be. Where I would walk around even imagining people look. But you make a valid point. If I don't feel pretty, who else will?
Thank you girls, I feel better.
1827 days ago
I know exactly how you feel. I lost the 30 pounds and I did start to notice a couple of second looks here and there It felt great! I thought Ok I getting it back.
I am one of those who always wears makeup when I go out, not so much that you see my skin under it ( actually I don;t even use foundation!) but I have learned that if you don't feel good about the way you look no one else will either.
Keep going out, Tell yourself I am pretty and I love the way I look now!!! Make yourself feel good about you and before you know it guys will give you those second looks.
And you don't know if you are getting them or not really, they watch ladies walking away form them when you can't see them staring! Lok around more an d see if they turn around to look at you after you walk by !! Who knows! LOL
1827 days ago
I want to feel pretty, too. I want someone unbiased - not a friend, not even a Spark friend - to say something. I want a stranger to look, you know? I miss those days. I never considered myself hot or anything. I've got one of those faces that some people like and some people dislike, and I've always struggled with skin problems. I can't wear makeup, I refuse to wear most jewelry, and my hair can only be controlled, not styled. And I deal with that. And it's okay - I used to get plenty of looks despite all that. :D I want them again! We both need them. Nothing wrong with getting a little confidence boost, right?
1827 days ago
I'm sorry you feel that way Maybe you could encourage your hubby to do a date night with you if you find the kids a babysitter? Even getting all dressed up and made up for that might help boost your self-confidence.
I don't like spending a lot of time getting ready either, but I've noticed that after 50 pounds I spend more time than I used to. Maybe an hour tops for going out with my boyfriend, but for work, maybe 20-30 minutes. I try to make an effort to buy clothes or do something to make myself look good, and it boosts my self-esteem as well. I don't know if I get more looks thank I used to, but I also used to use my weight to "hide" myself from others.
Not trying to be all creepy janitor and all, lol, but I do think you are getting more looks than you think you are. If you are in that mindset that you just look "OK" you really may not be seeing them ;)
1827 days ago
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