Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I want to feel pretty. I think I look ok, not gorgeous, but ok. But, really, I miss those looks I used to get. In a store or whatever. Hubby tells me I'm "hot". It's not the same. I want to see some full appreciation from a man that isn't biased.
Am I being too - it's all about me? I try to at least put on base makeup and mascara. I try to at least straighten my bangs so they're not flying away and pull the rest into a ponytail. I dress in jeans and a nicer (not glamorous, but not a plain tee either) looking top. That's about all I do... I just straighten the ol' bangs before bed, splash on those two makeup items, and pull on clothes that's in my closet. Jeans insure pretty much anything looks ok lol.
I don't do tons, but I don't have time. And frankly I don't want to be someone who takes an hour or more fixing up just to leave the house. No offense to anyone who does, but going to get groceries does not drive me to look all made up. But I wish I would get one of those looks. The kind that makes you want to put a little swagger in your step lol. And the creepy looking janitor from the kids' school doesn't count.
I know that I'm pretty inside. But the cashier isn't going to sit down and have a convo with me. I need a confidence boost. I think what I need to do is go out. I mean out-out. To a bar with friends for a drink or something. Fix up, look nice, put a little more effort into it. Unfortunately I have exactly 3 friends in real life. All 3 of them aren't into that scene. I have a sister that I would love to go with, but since her hubby is military she now lives in Idaho. And Hawaii before that. I have seen her only 3 times in 3 years and it was to spend time with each others' families.
*Sigh* I guess it has to do with feeling like a schlump all the time. I know that if I felt better about myself I wouldn't need those looks, but hell, once in a while wouldn't hurt. And it sucks because, even though I lost all that weight, I still feel yucky looking. At least I'm not embarrassed to leave the house anymore huh.
Ugh, well, I'm rambling. Which is kind of the point of this blog. Just getting some feelings out there. But I'll end this here before it becomes a 10 page blog. Besides, I've got to put little one to bed for his nap. Until next time...