Ok after my last 'freaked out' blog post and having received wonderful & kind comments from some people here (Thank you again! ) , I did some thinking and decided to start over! Meaning, I will no longer step onto the scale weekly and I will also stop logging my food! Just like I did all those past months before coming back to SP, I will simply listen to my body and *trust* its needs! Since I am following a plant based diet (trying to stay on the healthy/lower fat range and focusing on lots of veggies, fruits & whole grains vs. vegan 'junk food') I know, I'll be ok!!!
I will go by how my clothes fit, enjoy my workouts without obsessing about how many calories I've eaten and how many calories I've burned in comparison etc., I will simply LIVE and BE THANKFUL every day for having a healthy body that lets me move!!!

I feel I needed to have this mental push to realize [again] what really is important in life!!!

Of course I don't want to *gain* weight!.. My former ED and also part vanity as well as some other personal reasons already have me tied down a bit in that department to the point where I probably could never be 100% relaxed and just eat what I want, when ever I want... There will always be the little voice of reasoning in my head... BUT I can try to keep the voice down by making healthy choices and not worry any further! (I mean really, trying to log lettuce leaves and zucchini, carrots etc. WTH!?) Portion control and ok, for baked goodies I will do the calculation so I'll get a feeling for it, but that's about it!

I feel mentally exhausted from these past weeks stressing out over not exceeding a certain caloric amount and if I did, feeling guilty over it *or* the opposite, on days where I've stayed in the lower range immediately expecting 'miracles' to show on the scale the next morning! *sigh*

So, that's it! Back to the 'roots', following my instincts and trying my best to love & ACCEPT myself and my body AS IT IS!!!