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    SUEJENN   30,462
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Stress

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I am coming out of a week of bottoming out with stress. A little background. We took my dad out of a nursing home because the quality of life for him there was not good. We installed a security system at his home that I can access from my phone from anywhere so that I can check in on him with live video. I get a notification when the alarm is set off when my Dad leaves the house when he should be inside. I am on call 24/7!
I usually use the gym for a decompressor. I go three times a week to work with a trainer and I take a kick boxing class once a week. I decided to add in a class for learning how to do a 5K run.
I am watching what I eat and I feel better with less meat. No mistake I am still eating some sweets but not to the extent I was before.
The main issue right now is fatigue and I think I have come to see that it is mostly the 24/7 on call stress and the fact that I am still recovering from cancer treatment (which I minimize I might add). My Dad has left the house three times in the last month and a half and I have had to rescue him. It is a sad affair to pick up your Dad and he is confused and unaware of what he is doing. I have cared for my Dad going on to 12 years now and over the past week I have felt an anger that I have not felt before. It may have been triggered by my daughter having her tonsils out. The hospital was 40 minutes away and I had to keep track of my dad hoping the alarm didn't go off when I was so far away. I was so exhausted on Wednesday that I cancelled my gym session. I was sleeping all the time . I cancelled Friday as well. I was awakened by the alarm at 8am on Saturday morning! By the time I got home I was feeling drained.
I feel angry that I am the caregiver for everyone! Then I feel guilty because they need the care. I don't want to give up anymore of my life BUT how can I leave him in a home where he doesn't get the same care as he does at home. I know I have nothing left to give and I feel it each time I am called upon. In addition to all that I am scared that with all this stress I am worried about the cancer coming back. What a trade off. I have to abandon others to secure my health.
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SUGARBABY60 11/20/2012 4:34AM

    I know I am reading this a month after you wrote it but...here's my 2 cents.

Advertise for someone...a retired person looking for a small supplemental income???
Who would be willing to come sleep over ( if that is a time that would be good for you to relax and not worry about dad)no one to give care especially but just be there to watch tv with him or get him a bedtime snack, someone who could call for help in an emergency. Two night or so a week would be helpful to you to totally be able to rest without worry. It's worth the money.
This time of caring for your dad will go fast although it doesn't seem so right now in the midst of things.you need that " responsibility break" . It is quite understandable for you to be angry after all NO ONE was there to take care of you at your lowest point. Now everyone lines up for you to take care of them ( I'm not speaking of your dad.) you are right to be concerned about stress, so......learn to say NO to others, there by reducing the stress. Either way don't be run by guilt. Just know there are some things you must do and must Not do to keep yourself healthy. Set your priorities ....yourself first, then your dad....everyone else can wait until those responsibility s are completed.
My moms last three years seemed to last 20 yrs ( for my sister who was her care giver) but when they ended we realized how brief they really were. It is a hard job being a care giver but hiring someone responsible who can just be there mainly to observe and call in an emergency is worth the money( and your sanity) even if you have to trade off your personal trainer fees for a temp care giver. Best wishes Sue you are doing some amazing changes for your health, keep it up! emoticon

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SUGARSMOM2 10/21/2012 10:31AM

  you need a break . I know that caring for a mother or father is hard . we took care of johns mom for many years going to the home to feed her for about three times a day to feed her . she became a problem that none of the others wanted to bear . they where busy with their own problems and had no extra time . they said as they would cancel their turn to help . stress cab build and it will hit at the most important times . i do not know the answer . just you wish you well . emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 10/16/2012 6:14PM

    Wow, this is a very tough situation. One that does not have any easy solutions. How
about a part-time home health worker
to provide some time relief for you.
I do worry that this stress is not good for
your well being and recovery. A better
nursing home? Any siblings who can
share in this responsibility? Yes, it is
very hard to be a caregiver. And even
harder to let them go into a home where they are not tended to properly. Hope
you can work out a good solution.

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LDAVIS648 10/16/2012 6:12PM

    its natural for you to be stressed out with all that is on your plate. i was once a caregiver for an elderly parent. dont stop your time for yourself. that is your time and next time it will be easier to do for others, then that leaves you on the bottom of the list. is there any one that you could schedule to be there fdor your father every once in awhile while you take care of you and in emergancies? please dont let resentment to cloud your heart it will be hard to clear. you have lots of friends here to talk to for support emoticon

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