A conscious effort
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Every morning...like clockwork...I hit the alarm at 6:30, go downstairs, say hey to hubby, get my cup of coffee, and log onto my emails and read my horoscope that is sent to me daily...and then I check FB and get Spark log-in points. When I am really good....I weigh myself nekkid before I go downstairs, but I'm hiding from my scale right now...stress eating guilt going on...but I digress, that is another blog entirely.
So back to the emails and my horoscope....or HORROR-scope as I sometimes like to call it. Sometimes, it's as good as weighing yourself early and seeing a rise in the scale...it can TOTALLY kill your day, even though it has NOTHING to do with it...because the day just started for Pete's sake...and yet....somehow, depending on what you read...it absolutely, positively, kills your mental state for the day.
So today, I did not read my horrorscope email. Even though it was staring at me to open it on my "bing" bar at the top of my screen.
*sigh* A very hard thing to do...another habit to break I guess.
Sometimes, the thing is spot on...other times it's totally off....is it chance or is it me subconsciously fullfilling a internet imposed prophecy? how smart am I to let this little paragraph, made up by some computer or better yet, some wacko in bum-frack, dictate my mental state and actions for a day? Well.. I guess I am not very smart..because it has happened. Just like the number on the scale will dictate my mood for the day. Hellloooooo - SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!
So today I made a conscious effort to change my way of thinking AND my behavior. .. thanks to a few positive Spark blogs I read this morning instead of the stupid horrorscope.
It's also thanks to my hubby, who sees me struggling with life at the moment . . who has let me vent more about my uncertainties of what the future holds, as exciting as change is.... it still scares the crap out of me.
And slowly....slooooowly, I am realizing that I miss things that I (yup...me myself and I) absolutely LOVE, but have put to the wayside over the years because other people (kids, family, work, etc..) have taken priority over what I love to do. For example: Music....I love music...I have played piano since I was 5 and violin, since I was 8. I need to nurture that part of me...and slowly, I am starting and teaching my kids piano and giving them tips on their violins...and that is a really good thing... it's a start.
Anyway....making a conscious effort in anything takes time and persistence...just like losing weight. Which brings me to my other "confession" of sorts: I am totally in my upper range and these 2 pounds have officially come back on and it's NOT water weight...it's NOT bloating...it's 2 to 3 pounds that has just STUCK around since summer drinking and snacking put it there. Add my stress eating now and efforts to get rid of it are starting to get frustrating.
Go ahead....scoff at the above paragraph...especially if you are trying to lose more than that. Trust me, I have read, been and done that to other blogs on here (hey - I'm just keepin' it real people) but I just wanted others out there with the whole "I can't get rid of these 2 to 5 pounds off my butt" issues - well...to let them know that I get you.
I get to add that to my repertoire of weight-loss understanding:
- the yo-yo dieters - oh, I get you
- the "I gotta lose 50 pounds people" - I get you
- the "I have to maintain this weightloss - how the heck do I do that?" people - I get you
- the "I gained 5 pounds and it won't come off fast enough" people - now I get you.
All in all...my maintenance journey has been an easy enough one...but faced with a new life changing stress...well, it is throwing me for a loop and bringing me back to 25 years ago when I stress and emotionally ate my way up 10 pounds each year.
The biggest thing that is different is where I am mentally now....and I have the tools to combat the battle head on - but still, it is damn scary to think that I won't make it.
You'd think that that would be motivation enough to get back on track right?
Yeah right...but not if you are reading horrorscopes everyday and letting something outside dictate how you think each day.
THAT is like grasping at straws and having someone else live your life and make decisions in your life FOR you instead of you taking the bull by the balls and doing it yourself...as it should be.
So today begins my conscious effort to ignore the horrorscope on the "bing" bar. In fact, it's time to unsubscribe and move on entirely...along with a few other things as well....like stress & emotional eating, which do nothing in the effort to make my pants fit better.